The Golden Hill

Travel

2011-09-05T07:29:00.003-04:00

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
- St. Augustine

I've been to 20-some countries and 42 US states. Although my desire to see the world has diminished somewhat - only because I really like being home - I still appreciate the things that can be learned from experiencing new countries and cultures. A trip to Costa Rica about 6 years ago reminded me of how good we have it here. Costa Rica is a country blessed with a warm climate, lots of rain, beaches and mountains. It is also a country that is beset by crime and low wages. One could be perfectly happy there because the climate is agreeable (except during the summer months, but I could say the same about Ohio), housing and food costs are relatively low, and you can fish anywhere and anytime you like. But there are bars in the windows, and it was for good reason that the rental car agent told us to be sure to lock the car, even if we were only going to be away from it for one minute.

Economic well-being is only one facet of a complacent life, but the reality is that where there is poverty, there is crime. Theft is essentially accepted in some places. Jealousy and envy are powerful motivators.

Much of my foreign travel has been to the European continent, where things are stable and predictable. Canada is much the same way. Mexico, on the other hand, is beautiful but with a curse: everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE - is trying to separate you from your money. That might also be the case in Europe and the US, but the attempt to fleece you is not so blatant. And I can walk down the sidewalk in any city in the US (except Las Vegas) without people trying blatantly to rip me off.

I'd love to see the pyramids, Ayers Rock, the South Pole and Mauna Kea. I'd also like to play Pebble Beach and St. Andrew's. The Kremlin would be worth a trip to Russia. But if I spend the rest of my days in Ohio, it won't be a huge disappointment. I have learned enough to know that there is no place like home.

Travels last year took me to Foxborough, Massachusetts, Toronto, Canada and Las Vegas, Nevada. Toronto was all I expected it to be. It's a vibrant international city, and I'm told it's the largest city in the world in which more than half of its inhabitants are not native. Two things disappointed me about Toronto: it is expensive, and there are panhandlers everywhere you look. The airport was also a disappointment. When they recommend that you show up two hours before your flight, they are assuming that the check-in process and American customs will go smoothly. I'd recommend three hours.

Toronto is home to what used to be the tallest man-made structure in the world, the CN Tower. It dwarfs the building around it. Cities like Cleveland, Ohio could learn something from Toronto. The lake front has been beautifully developed, with marinas, walking/biking trails, and beaches.

Toronto is also home to the largest HDTV in North America (not counting the screens that can be found in football stadiums around the country). That TV hangs on a wall at the Real Sports bar, next door to the Air Canada Arena where the Toronto Maple Leafs play hockey. The Hall of Fame Game was being played in Canton, Ohio while we were there, and here is a picture of the 37-foot screen. It helps to stand about a hundred feet away to watch this television.

If only one didn't have to pay five bucks apiece for beer while watching this TV...

Sports

2011-09-05T07:15:00.000-04:00

My boss sent this one - a look at the last century in sports. Crank up the volume and enjoy.

Traffic Signs

2011-08-27T15:13:00.001-04:00

The summer driving season is winding down, but I'm hoping the Department of Transportation will post signs like this one every few miles along the highways of Ohio before next summer.

Or better yet, take the bus!

Believe Half of What You See...

2011-08-16T21:36:00.002-04:00

..and apparently, none of what you hear.

I saw this on an educational channel a week or so ago, and it took me until now to find it on YouTube. This is fascinating - you know what the man is saying, but you hear it differently.

No wonder there are so many disagreements among us. Maybe we hear what we want to hear and disregard the rest? Or maybe we aren't hearing what we think we are hearing at all...reminds me of Washington, DC. Listen to me, but get it in writing!

It's known as the McGurk Effect. Watch....this!

Better Late Than Never

2011-08-06T22:38:00.002-04:00

I am way behind, but I love the logic of this guy from the British Isles. Is that you, Yorky???

What do a jar of mayonnaise, a bag of flour, and Jello have in common?

2011-07-02T11:34:00.003-04:00

All of them can be blown up by fireworks!

Appropriate for this Independence day weekend - check out the images from a high-speed camera.

Here's the link to the rest of the story.

My Work Here Is Done

2011-06-12T16:43:00.006-04:00

I don't mean the Blogosphere when I say "here," rather I mean the Statehouse.

About four years ago, I started work on what would ultimately become House Bill 95, and I am happy to say that it is now the law of the land. Since last November, many people put in a lot of work toward getting this enacted, and I was one of the busiest ones. The Governor signed it on June 2, so I hope to be much less busy and occupied with legislation for a while, and more occupied with things like the farm and this blog.

I'm pretty sure I went somewhere to celebrate right after this picture was taken. All that lobbying can make a man thirsty!

Also since November, my eyes have not improved. I still see double, I still have a blind spot, and I still have a lot of distortion in my left eye. But there is good news: the ophthalmologist ran some tests on me about 10 days ago, and he is convinced that the double vision can be fixed. The apparent cause of this is muscle damage that occurred when they blocked the nerves to my eye for the surgery. Essentially, my eye is not situated properly within the orb, and by tweaking some of the muscles, they can orient it properly. The blind spot is permanent, but I'll happily endure another surgery to get rid of this double vision.

********************************************************

It was a very wet spring around here. It was the wettest April ever, and May wasn't much better. That caused some problems at Wyndanwood, which I'll describe in a later post. Once the rains slowed down, it immediately turned hot and humid, and I do not care at all for that kind of weather. We've also had a lot of severe weather due to the heat and humidity. The most recent was on Tuesday - I was working out at the farm, and as I started back for home, I heard the weather warnings. It seems we had a severe thunderstorm right before I got home. As I was unloading the truck, I walked by my flower bed and noticed that some of my irises were lying flat on the ground. Here is what I saw:

The mulch was still smoldering, so I doused it with water. This was obviously caused by a lightning strike. Note the charred ends of the iris stems. They say if you live long enough, you'll see everything, and this was a new one for me.

Why is it?

2011-04-03T10:28:00.003-04:00

Why is it that people make fun of blondes?

Then there is this one...

Never mind...

Happy Birthday, Chuck Norris

2011-03-10T06:44:00.004-05:00

Today is the 71st birthday of the legendary Chuck Norris.

If you haven't studied Norrisology, you might be surprised to learn that Chuck Norris has accomplished much more than just starring in a bunch of B-rated movies and one of the worst TV shows ever created: Walker, Texas Ranger.

Here are some Chuck Norris facts...

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's not pushing himself up - he's pushing the world down.

Chuck Norris wasn't born - he just got tired of wearing his mother,

The "Black Eyed Peas" used to be known simply as "The Peas" - until they met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the earth a billion years ago - and it's still spinning.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars - and that's why there are no signs of life on Mars.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Happy birthday, Chuck!

Greetings

2011-03-02T07:16:00.002-05:00

I have been absent a long while, and four people have recently e-mailed to ask if I'm OK. Thanks for the concern.

My vision has not improved at all, and I am struggling with that, but the main reason for my absence is that I have been just plain busy. I'll get back to the blogosphere this weekend.

Blindness, Parts 1 and 2

2010-12-13T07:07:00.003-05:00

Blindness, Part 1

More than five week have passed since the retinal surgery, and my vision is still not back. That's the bad news. The good news is that the surgeon thinks the problem is with the sutures. They take about two months to dissolve, and until they do, the light won't focus properly. I have my next appointment in mid-January, by which time I should see improvement. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Blindness, Part 2

I made the mistake of reading a book called Blindness, by Portuguese writer Jose Saramago while recovering from eye surgery, and I don't know if the translator took liberties with the translation, and does the Portuguese language have fewer grammatical rules than English?, but it took some time to adjust to the writing style. Why? Because there are run-on sentences and no paragraph breaks to speak of and punctuation was sorely lacking but once one adjusts to these things the book is quite enjoyable. Enjoyable in an excruciating kind of way and one man's joy is another man's torment, but who can tell the difference? A blindness takes over the world, starting with one man sitting at a traffic light but this is a white blindness, if such a thing can be. Can it be blindness if all one sees is white? Can so many rhetorical questions be found in any other book? No matter, as the doctor's wife would say, we all see something whether it is white or colors, and since she's the only one who can see the mess that humanity has become, yes she is the only one with vision, allegorically speaking, although others surely see things she cannot for there are many ways to see, she leads them out of the wilderness as it were to a world in which all can see which is perhaps the optimal state of mankind.

The Wiz

2010-12-04T09:29:00.003-05:00

It was just a matter of time before The Wizard of Oz was remade to conform to modern sensitivities. I now present a couple of screen shots from the remake...

Call me old-fashioned, but I'll stick with the original!

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-29T07:04:00.005-05:00

Another Thanksgiving come and gone...

We had nine people over this year. Among them: my mother and Dorothy's mother, who inexplicably showed up wearing matching purple jackets. Must be something about growing up during the Great Depression that leads to a fixation with all things purple!

Of course, Bea was also our guest, and it is simply a joy watching her grow up. She came down with the childhood affliction known as "happy feet," from which I hope she never recovers.

She'll turn 2 on Saturday, so I expect to post more about her after her birthday party on Sunday. Something tells me Grandpa Sam is going to spoil her some more...

Stairway to Heaven – Climbing a 1768 ft Tower

2010-11-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

I don't quite understand why these guys are wearing hardhats...watch it in full-screen, and don't look down!

Stairway to Heaven – Climbing a 1768 ft Tower

Life As We Know It

2010-11-14T12:45:00.004-05:00

Graphical representations of life as we know it:

See?

2010-11-14T12:11:00.007-05:00

I'm back from the retinal surgery...this one sure didn't go as well as the one I had last year. Although the gas bubble is dissipating more quickly, the vision is not coming back as well. As I look out of my left eye, I see everything with a yellow cast, and the world resembles the House of Mirrors. I see straight lines as bent and broken, and everything seems to fall away from me and off to the right. (Hard to describe, but not good.) This is a consequence of the detachment crossing the center of my field of vision, and the possibility that there is some damage to the macula.

Here's a nickel's worth of free advice for you: if you suddenly see a bunch of floaters appearing out of nowhere, go see your ophthalmologist. And if you see a shadow - which could look like a bubble or a curtain - crossing your field of vision, seek immediate aid. I first noticed that something was amiss two weeks ago. Large floaters suddenly appeared in my eye, and I could also make out hundreds, if not thousands, of little specks floating around (which I learned later were droplets of blood). That was on a Sunday, and I called my ophthalmologist, who met me at his office 20 minutes after we spoke on the phone. He couldn't find anything, but sent me to Midwest Retina for another look.

Hey, get that thing out of my eye!

The doctor opened the Midwest Retina office for me, but he couldn't find anything either. He told me to come back Thursday for another look, but that if I saw a shadow form, I was to call immediately.

Wednesday morning, I noticed that something had changed in my eye. There were many more floaters, and things looked cloudy out of that eye. I spotted what I thought was a large floater in the lower left of my vision, but as time passed, I realized it was not a floater. It was late afternoon before I decided I had best call Midwest Retina. The office, of course, was closed by that hour, but they put me through to the emergency service, and I explained what was happening to the doctor on call. I asked if hours were crucial in a situation like this. He said, no, but don't wait for your 2 o'clock appointment to come in tomorrow, come in first thing in the morning.

By the time I went to bed Wednesday night, the bubble in the lower left of my eye had grown so that about 25% of my vision was obscured. When I arose on Thursday, it was more like 40%, and by the time I got to see the doctor at 8 o'clock, fully half of my vision was gone. He sent me to the hospital for surgery, and as I was rolled into the operating room around 1:30, I could see only a little sliver at the top of my field of vision. As the surgeon was completing the procedure, he remarked that the detachment was more severe than he had expected, and that it was possible that the macula might have been damaged.

That bubble turned out to be the retinal detachment, and had the operation taken place several hours before it did, I would probably not have any issues right now. Forgive me if I question the statement by the doctor who told me that hours don't matter.

At my appointment on Friday, the surgeon told me there was a lot of inflammation and swelling in the eye, and that things would improve, though I shouldn't expect to have perfect vision in that eye. I will see him again in 4 weeks, at which time they'll take a CT scan and we'll go from there.

The Eyes Have It

2010-11-04T10:07:00.001-04:00

I'll be absent for a while. I learned this morning that I have a detached retina in my left eye, and surgery is in about 2 hours. Wish me luck...again.

Jumbo Perch

2010-10-18T06:44:00.005-04:00

We made a trip to Madison on the Lake last weekend to visit friends, and took the opportunity to go out on Lake Erie to go after some perch. The waters in the eastern part of the lake are much deeper than in the Western Basin, and the fish tend to move to the east as the weather cools, so we expected a good catch.

The waters were calm as we set out at 8 o'clock in the morning. Unfortunately, the winds picked up through the morning, so that by about 11 o'clock, we were bouncing around in 3 foot waves. It's very difficult to feel the perch bite in those conditions, so we gave up around noon - but not before we had 30-some perch in the box.

I've fished a lot in the Western Basin, and the rule on my boat was that if the perch wasn't at least 7 inches long, it was to be thrown back in the lake. I know some guys who keep fish as small as 5 inches, and I just don't understand that. Those fish need another year to grow. So a typical catch would be a lot of 7 and 8 inch fish, with a few 9 or 10 inch fish generally n the mix. We've caught some 11 and 12 inch perch, but those are rare in the west.

I'm happy to say that the perch we caught last week were good sized fish. There was probably one 7 incher in the box, but most were in the 10 to 12 inch range. The prize of the day was one I caught - it was slightly over 14 inches in length, and not only is it the largest perch I've ever caught, it is the largest perch I've ever seen. According to the Ohio Department of Natural Resources, the state record is a 2.75 pound, 14 1/2 inch yellow perch taken from Lake Erie by Charles Thomas of Lorain, Ohio on April 17, 1984. We didn't weigh my fish, but that record puts my catch into context.

For comparison, the perch in the lower left of this picture was an 8 incher. We'll plan another trip next fall - perch like this are just too hard to pass up.

More Signs

2010-10-11T20:41:00.003-04:00

A while back, I posted about some signs that either didn't make a lot of sense to me, or were just amusing. Today's post consists of signs that: A) reflect the state of our fragile economy, B) reflect the state of our dismal culture, or C) reflect the state of my warped sense of humor.

If you know who Britney is, you've got one strike against you already.

This one is really stupid. Everyone knows the Boogieman hides under the bed, not in the closet.

A nice play on words, Bub. Now go "change" your underpants, they're soiled.

Through the miracle of Obamanomics, this guy could go back to 1985 to buy a flux capacitor for pennies on the dollar, then bring it back to today and sell it to the government for trillions. I'd loan this guy a few bucks for a cut of that action!

At least this guy has a legitimate reason to be pan-handling...

More Chalk

2010-10-07T07:23:00.003-04:00

This fascinates me. The man spends many hours creating these chalk drawings, only to have them washed away or eroded within hours or days.

His time might be better spent going to Scotty's for a Porkanopolois!

Porkanopolis

2010-09-16T20:45:00.005-04:00

I have not been around for a while, and I need to leave for Toledo in about 8 hours, but I need to post this.

A few miles south of Defiance, Ohio, on Route 111, is a barbecue place known as Scotty's. I had dinner there Monday night with some friends, and I was intrigued by one of the "signature" sandwiches: The Porkanopolis. This sandwich is composed of a half-pound sausage patty covered by a half pound of pulled pork, topped with a fried onion ring, into which is stuffed some cole slaw, over which is poured barbecue sauce, all of which is put into a large sesame seed bun. I had a side of curly fries to complete the meal.

I'm one of those people who tries to maintain a balanced diet. I'll drink several cups of coffee in the morning, but I'll also try to have a glass of fruit juice or some fresh fruit to go along with it. During the week, I usually have a salad for lunch, with more fresh fruit for dessert. The evenings are for pizza and beef and bacon (which goes well with EVERYTHING), but I don't go overboard with any of it. I subscribe to the Ben Franklin philosophy of well-being: all things in moderation.

After I ate this monstrosity, Scotty (the owner) came to our table and told us that he was working on an improved sandwich, which would include everything that is on the Porkanopolis, but would be supplemented with a half-pound ground beef patty, curly fries on top of the onion ring, and a dousing of cheese sauce before the slathering of barbecue sauce.

I think I'll pass on this one. The Porkanopolis was good, but I felt so bad about having eaten it, that the next morning I actually had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I haven't had oatmeal for breakfast in probably 30 years. And if I eat any more Porkanopolis sandwiches, I'm not likely to be around in another 30 years.

Milestones

2010-07-18T15:15:00.007-04:00

With an absence of more than a month, it should come as no surprise that Sam has been a very busy guy lately. During that time, there were several mileposts achieved, and I'll pass along three of them here, in no particular order.

First, the dock has been built, the boat is in the water, and little Bea came out to go on her first fishing trip with Grandpa Sam. The first order of business was to make her safe, and that was accomplished by Bea donning the little "boat coat" that Dorothy got for her. I was happy that she put up no fuss, even though it was very hot and muggy, and the coat restricted her movement somewhat.

So after wishing everyone a bon voyage, Bea went out with Mommy and Grandpa Sam to find some bass. We were only able to find one, in part because it was so hot that we decided to go back after only 10 or 15 minutes in the water. Bea was a great boat mate, and it's obvious that she likes being on the water. We'll get her back out this fall after the weather cools.

The second milestone relates to golf. I've been out 15 or 20 times this year, but on most occasions, my back hurts so much that I can hardly swing a club after a few holes. Twice I've had to cut the round short, and other times I stuck it out, but my scores reflected the state of my back. I can swing the club pretty well when it doesn't hurt, but it seems to hurt more often than not these days.

Two years ago, I set a golf milestone by scoring a 78. That is still the lowest round I've ever played, but I came close yesterday -- I shot a 79.

The reason this is a milestone is that I am prouder of this 79 than the 78 I shot two years ago. My back started to get to me around the 12th hole, and I ran off a series of bogeys, which marred what had been a stellar round of golf. But they were bogeys and no worse...on 3 occasions, I got into some serious trouble, but in all cases I managed to keep my cool and salvage the bogey. It's a rare day when I have nothing worse than a bogey on my scorecard. And I simply played better yesterday than the day I shot the 78 -- had I made a few easy putts (one from 2 feet) and avoided that one bad fairway wood, this could have easily been a 73 instead of a 78.

The third milestone is the biggest.

You might remember the first Wyndanwood post, in which I described meeting Dorothy for the first time after a round of golf. That was June 29, 2000. So on June 29, 2010, I took her back to the scene of the crime, got down on one knee, and proposed. After ten years, you get to know your partner pretty well, and she has been the most consistently...well, just about anything good that I could insert here...woman I've known. I knew that once I committed to buying Wyndanwood with her that there was no backing out, but I wanted to wait for a special moment to ask the question.

So those are the milestones in my life over the past month...and summer isn't even halfway over yet. I'm curious to see what's coming around the bend.

(By the way, she said "Yes!")

Busy as a Bee

2010-07-02T09:56:00.001-04:00

Travel. Work. Farm. I'll try to post this weekend...

Philosophy

2010-06-10T21:02:00.002-04:00

Just as I thought....

Tales From the Woods

2010-05-31T14:40:00.008-04:00

The weather has warmed, and we've been spending a lot of time at Wyndanwood. We continue to clear trails and keep the plant growth under control on the dike. I started cutting the wild grape vines out of the woods, a project that will never be finished. Dorothy has started some plants - water irises and Cana lillies - at water's edge around the dike.

I had some friends out last week and I spent quite a bit of time getting the place ready for their visit. I set up a tent, stuck some Tiki torches into the ground, filled two coolers with beer, water and soft drinks, and raised the official Wyndanwood flag. You can't see all of that in this picture, but you get the drift. The first guests arrived a little before noon, and the last arrived around 5 o'clock. In the meantime, we played with our paintball guns and did some fishing. We caught probably 50 fish among us, mostly large mouth bass, but there were also a few crappies and blue gills. (For those not familiar with crappies, it rhymes with poppies.) That was the first time I stayed overnight out there, and I left the tent up, assuming I'd be doing it again several times over the summer and fall.

We took a walk down the trail to the dike, where I showed off the new landscaping around the spillway. Nice, eh?

Dorothy had told me the story of a sign her mother had kept at the farm, and its modern replacement can be seen here. "Hither" points to the spot where a house will someday be built; "thither" points to the road; and "yon" points to the dike and the pond and the woods beyond. Appropriate, I think.

Then there was Saturday. I've been looking for the right boat to put on the pond, and we finally found one. We bought the boat and trailer from a nice couple from Seven Hills, Ohio, and got it back to the farm after a 7-hour round trip (including the time needed to negotiate the deal and take care of the paperwork). Although it is not yet in the water (waiting for the dock), I think it's going to be perfect for the pond. This picture doesn't show much of the boat, but I'll take a picture after we drop her in the water.

The Demise of the Boycott?

2010-05-18T21:26:00.006-04:00

I'm sure the new Arizona law on illegal immigration has had some coverage outside the US. Some have condemned it as racist, an open door to racial profiling. Others view it as necessary. The folks in Arizona are tired of paying the social and economic costs of people invading their state, and I applaud the Governor and the legislature for taking a stand and enforcing the rule of law. Drug cartels are taking advantage of the porous border to ply their illegal trade, and murder rates in the border cities are among the highest in the world. The federal government is too concerned with political expediency to do anything constructive about this serious, and growing, problem. Did someone say 14 million new voters?

In the event you disagree with the law, let me ask you a few questions. Is your homeland being besieged? Are your national values being threatened? Would you allow these people into your home?

These pictures were taken in London, England. They could have been taken in any western city in which people were raised in a free society. Guess what? It won't be free for long if action isn't taken now.

Did these people enter England legally? if so, England needs to rethink its immigration policy, and I hasten to add, so does the USA. If they entered illegally, it is time to enforce immigration laws. The Arizona law is not aimed specifically at any particular group except those who have illegally entered the state of Arizona. If I entered your home illegally, you would have recourse. This is no different. And lest you think that there aren't similarities between those invaders and some coming from south of our border, take a look. The images and back stories are varied, but there are elements of each that want nothing less than to undo the magnificent accomplishments of free western societies.

Several political subdivisions have passed resolutions condemning the Arizona law, and a boycott is afoot. The rest of this post is self-explanatory, and I think it amply illustrates the economic interdependence that exists in a market society. Your boycott can get you in trouble...

The Los Angeles City Council voted to boycott the state of Arizona over its new immigration-enforcement law, and now the Arizona Corporation Commission has responded. Gary Pierce, one of the commissioners chosen in state-wide elections to the utility regulation panel, notes that Los Angeles gets about 25% of its power from Arizona producers. If the City of Angels really wants a boycott, Pierce offers his services to help, as he explains in a letter to Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and copied to Hot Air:

Dear Mayor Villaraigosa,

I was dismayed to learn that the Los Angeles City Council voted to boycott Arizona and Arizona-based companies — a vote you strongly supported — to show opposition to SB 1070 (Support our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act).

You explained your support of the boycott as follows: “While we recognize that as neighbors, we share resources and ties with the State of Arizona that may be difficult to sever, our goal is not to hurt the local economy of Los Angeles, but to impact the economy of Arizona. Our intent is to use our dollars — or the withholding of our dollars — to send a message.” (emphasis added)

I received your message; please receive mine. As a state-wide elected member of the Arizona Corporation Commission overseeing Arizona’s electric and water utilities, I too am keenly aware of the “resources and ties” we share with the City of Los Angeles. In fact, approximately twenty-five percent of the electricity consumed in Los Angeles is generated by power plants in Arizona.

If an economic boycott is truly what you desire, I will be happy to encourage Arizona utilities to renegotiate your power agreements so Los Angeles no longer receives any power from Arizona-based generation. I am confident that Arizona’s utilities would be happy to take those electrons off your hands. If, however, you find that the City Council lacks the strength of its convictions to turn off the lights in Los Angeles and boycott Arizona power, please reconsider the wisdom of attempting to harm Arizona’s economy.

People of goodwill can disagree over the merits of SB 1070. A state-wide economic boycott of Arizona is not a message sent in goodwill.

Sincerely,

Commissioner Gary Pierce

And here's the link, in case you'd like to look at some of the comments.

Hat tip to Paul for the story.

Wedding Bell Blues

2010-05-15T21:03:00.004-04:00

These are real...fortunately, I don't have a last name like "Fitzwell" or "Hertzer." Or a first name like Dick. I got a million of 'em...

Go Bucks!

2010-05-13T06:51:00.000-04:00

Before and After: The Dichotomy of PETA

2010-05-11T21:31:00.005-04:00

I'm certain that this post will piss off some people, but that's OK, because if I don't get your attention, I won't be able to make you think.

For background, consider a friend of mine who became an animal rights activist about 15 years ago. The local monthly magazine published an article about him and a fellow animal rights person (to whom I shall collectively refer to as "PETA" for the remainder of this post) a few years ago. In the article, they talked about how important animal rights are, and the article ended with PETA seeing a cat chase a mouse under a fence. PETA's response was to chase the cat down and release the mouse from its jaws.

PETA, I have news for you: cats eat mice. And by removing that mouse from the jaws of its aggressor, you have taken food from an animal that rightly deserved the meal. So how can you reconcile that act?

Let's go a little deeper. Have you seen the documentaries that follow animals in the wild? Have you seen a lion track down a hyena? And what, PETA, would you say to the lion? "Bad lion, bad lion," I suppose, but the lion has to eat. The lion is a carnivore, ergo, it is going to eat other animals. Animals have no ethics, they have only survival instincts. So, PETA, would you allow a lion into your circle of friends?

I am not a carnivore - I am an omnivore, because I am a human being. And where am I going with this?

Click here for the before.

But before we consider the "after," I need to ask PETA: what would you do about the coyote that has an appetite for puppies and kittens? Certainly, you would not kill the coyote, which is intent on killing and eating the puppy and the kitten. You would probably relocate the coyote so the puppy and kitten will be safe. But what will the coyote eat? Please, PETA, sacrifice yourself to the coyote so it doesn't eat my puppy and my little kitten.

And here is the after:

You saw a steer in the "before" picture, and that steer had a hanging weight of 920 pounds. Half of that steer is in my freezer. Well, a little less than half - that T-Bone steak was delicious.

The Ohio Statehouse

2010-05-01T16:06:00.006-04:00

Cleaning up some files again...ran across this picture from the Statehouse Museum grand opening, of which Columbia Gas of Ohio was a sponsor.

The major donors were presented with a glass...thing, as thanks for our efforts. It reminded me of The Fickle Finger of Fate award that was a running gag on the old Rowen & Martin's Laugh-In show from the 1960's.

But seriously, the museum is a real treasure. I think most of us who work in the Ohio Statehouse appreciate its history. The first time I entered the building was in the spring of 1982 when I interviewed for an internship, and I was in awe of the place. I still feel some of that awe every time I enter the building.

The cornerstone was laid in 1839, but it took until 1861 for the building to be completed. It is an excellent example of the Greek Revival style of architecture. Before it was finished, Abraham Lincoln made a speech from the east steps in September of 1859 while campaigning for President. He returned in February 1861, about a month before being sworn in as President, to address a joint session of the legislature. The large chair that sits on the Speaker's platform in the House chamber is known to this day as the Lincoln Chair. Lincoln's last stop at the Statehouse was when his body laid in state in the Rotunda on April 29, 1865.

The Rotunda, with a bust of Lincoln prominently displayed.

When I first worked at the Statehouse, it had been divided into many small offices, and the place had fallen into disrepair and was generally a mess. Thanks to the foresight and dedication of some of its denizens, a major reconstruction took place during the 1990's, and it has been masterfully restored to its original beauty. That might be the best $140 million ever spent. It is a special place.

If you find yourself passing through Columbus, take the time to tour the Statehouse and the Museum. Both will be well worth your time.

The Master

2010-04-20T06:39:00.013-04:00

It was 25 years ago today that my Dad passed away, and it still seems like yesterday.

The brief bio: Rodger Ambrose Gerhardstein, born in 1925, graduated high school, enlisted in the US Army during WW II, farmed, learned to weld and erect buildings, fathered nine children, planted many thousands of fruit trees (with the help of the boys, of course), and died at the age of 59 on April 20, 1985.

Rodger and Donald Gerhardstein, circa 1928

It would take many thousands of pages to really explain what this guy was about. He was larger than life, and I can’t imagine that too many people packed more life and happiness into 59 years than Dad.

We had our assigned places at the supper table, and mine was at the corner of the table next to Dad, who sat at one end. I felt special because I could sit next to Dad at the supper table. They say that a family that prays together stays together, but I think in our house, it was eating together that really kept us grounded. School, farm and work issues were discussed at the supper table, and the time around that table could be carefree and humorous, or serious and sober, and all points in between. And when the meal was over, the boys cleared the table and swept the floor, while the girls did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.

Dad grew up on the edge of town, in a large brick house that was influenced by the German heritage of its occupants. He didn’t have a lot of patience for failure of any kind, and throughout his life, it never once occurred to me to challenge him on anything. If he said to do something, I did it, even to the extent of giving up little league baseball because he needed me in the orchard. There was very little discussion about it, and it still puzzles me that he even made that request, considering that it came from a man who was scouted as a pitcher by the Cleveland Indians.

Some German was spoken in that brick house, and Dad seemed to have mostly picked up words that he should not have picked up. But one general-usage term he picked up was “Der Meister,” a term he frequently used to refer to himself, in his mock-serious way. When we might ask Dad how he knew something or how he had figured something out, he’d look at us with that gleam in his eye, tap his temple with his index finger, and say “The Master knows!”

A coffee cup I bought for Dad, but he died before I could give it to him.

The Master he was, and it was easy for me as a child to assume that he knew everything there was to know, and could do anything there was to do. He was a tall, barrel-chested man, with a laugh as big as his physical self, and he was one of the hardest working people I’ve ever known. His philosophy was: Work hard, play hard, and take good care of your family – and he did all three.

He was also one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. When you are tending to thousands of fruit trees, there is plenty of work, and Dad had a habit of offering that work to people who had found the bottom of existence and had nowhere else to go. Many of the people who worked in the orchard were living in $5-per-day boarding rooms, and had no transportation or visible means of support. Dad put them to work and gave them a paycheck and some dignity.

Time passed. Then the grandchildren came along, and it seemed as if Dad had found his true calling. He loved his grandchildren, and they loved him back. This bear of a man could be as gentle as a lamb when it came to those little ones, and the smile he smiled when around them was all you needed to know about the human race.

The first time I walked into the house after he died is when it really hit me – Dad would never be seen or heard in that house again, and the house seemed suddenly different and strange. And I sat on the couch and wept. That was the first time I understood the temporal nature of this life, and that feeling has stayed with me and has colored everything I’ve done and thought about since.

Like the rest of my siblings, and of course my mother, I miss him every single day.

Copyright Richard Heeks - Bearcroft Media

Drunken Monkeys and Toasted Elephants

2010-04-15T06:54:00.004-04:00

Somewhere in the jungle is a stand of trees containing a fruit that ferments in the hot sun. The animals find their way to the trees and have a block party.

I can't understand a word of this (it's in French), but it doesn't matter. This is reminiscent of an evening in my brother's back yard.

A Brief Lesson in American Politics

2010-04-12T22:22:00.010-04:00

Credit: Roll Call

Our economy is frazzled. We are in debt to the extent that we'll not recover without massive inflation or a devaluation of the dollar - and take that to the bank, there are no other alternatives.

How did we get to this place?

Click here...and you be the judge.

Lux Aurumque and Happy Easter

2010-04-02T22:37:00.000-04:00

I just checked out a blog post that is worth sharing.

Check out Rhymes With Plague's Easter post, follow the Lux Aurumque link, and enjoy the virtual choir.

Happy Easter.

Signs

2010-03-28T10:42:00.005-04:00

There's an old song from the Five Man Electrical Band that hit the nail on the head:

Sign, sign everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Many signs serve a purpose, but many serve no purpose at all. And then there are the signs that purport to serve a specific purpose, but actually serve a different purpose. Take, for example, this sign from the Hannaford Suites. In the interest of giving you the privacy you deserve, they will do your housekeeping only once a week, provided your stay with us is for at least seven nights. In the meantime, if you need towels, don't bother calling the front desk to ask for them - you have to take them to the front desk to exchange them. Trust me, this policy is not at all about your privacy.

Here is a good example of a sign that has a specific purpose, and there is no hidden agenda. This man is parched, and he is asking you to endow his Budweiser Fund. You gotta love honesty in advertising, and I would happily throw this guy a few bucks.

This one is from Robin's Ridge Golf Course, out in the middle of nowhere. It costs something like ten bucks to play 18 holes with cart, and you really do get what you pay for.

This is an honest sign - the path got very steep in front of this sign. But if they would just pave the path, it probably wouldn't be so slippery.

Another sign at Robin's Ridge that I did not photograph was one that said something like: Alcohol abuse is not allowed on the course. So I guess you can drink yourself right up to the point of abuse and stay within their guidelines. Just be careful when you come to the steep, unpaved cart path - and remember to go down slowly.

This sign has a purpose, and every donut shop should have one like it.

Some signs are informative and helpful.

And this sign should be thrown into a landfill. This was taken at the Safari Golf Course near Powell, Ohio. The "environmentally sensitive" claim has been used by many golf courses as an excuse not to mow anywhere outside the fairways. This particular "environmentally sensitive" area was a dried-up patch of ground where real grass won't grow, and for some reason, they don't want you to walk there. Note the ducks on the sign. Maybe the sign was meant for them, not us.

It Comes Out Of The East End Of A Steer Heading West

2010-02-21T09:58:00.013-05:00

That is not the most eloquent title for a post, but it nicely sums up one of the most political issues of our day: global warming.

I was at a legislative conference a few years ago, where one of the speakers was a Ph.D. engineer from The Ohio State University. The topic of his session was climate change, and all the bad things that go along with it. Someone in the audience asked him if it really made sense to "cap and trade" when the jury was still out on the issue of global warming. The engineer responded: All you need to do is remember how hot it was two weeks ago, and that's all the proof you need.

That, my friends, is about the most ridiculous statement I've heard in my nearly 30 years in the political arena. And he really said it.

I like to relate some facts to people who like to "debate" the issue, and I place the word "debate" in quotation marks because you really don't debate good science - it is what it is. And here are some facts:

A. The global temperature, as measured by NASA, rose approximately one degree Fahrenheit between the 1980's and the mid-1990's.

B. The rise in temperature was in no way related to human activity.

When I state these facts, the global warming alarmists tear into me like hyenas. But I hold my ground, let them talk until they're blue in the face, and then I divulge another fact:

C. The globe to which these statistics refer is the planet Mars.

It seems logical to ask why the temperature on Mars increased during this period. It also seems logical to eliminate human activity from the equation. The most likely cause of the increase is solar activity. And solar activity will explain a lot about the climate change that has been occurring on this planet for billions of years.

The "scientists" at East Anglia University, presumed to be the experts in this field, have shown their true colors. It's not about science, it's about a political agenda. You can Google this subject and get the details on your own, but they have corrupted data, created obstacles to peer review, thrown out data that didn't fit their desired conclusions, and have generally made a mockery of science.

I'd like someone to provide answers to the following questions. Until these (and others) are answered, I will vehemently oppose any attempts to impose carbon taxes, to subsidize so-called "green" technologies, or otherwise increase the cost of doing business or maintaining a household in this country in the name of climate change:

1. Explain the temperature on Mars and why it would be any different here.

2. Tens of thousands of years ago, there was a glacier where I now sit. What happened to it, and how much did human activity have to do with it? If human activity was not to blame, what was?

3. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? This refers to the elevated levels of CO2 that may be found in the atmosphere. Some scientists believe that the increases are CAUSED by warmer weather - not that the higher levels CAUSE warmer weather.

4. There have been warming and cooling periods for billions of years. Explain how human activity affected the changes. Even the changes that occurred before humans existed.

The point is, the climate is a dynamic thing, and there is no hard evidence to prove that humans are having any statistically significant impact on it. The costs of buying into the global warming argument are too high for us not to have solid, reliable, and verifiable data to support it.

The Global Warming Conference held in St. Petersburg, Florida last July, was well attended.

Car Shopping (I think I'll wait...)

2010-02-14T16:27:00.003-05:00

It's in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check. You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It's that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities. The kind of feeling you get
behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with the same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again -- with a vengeance.

We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you'll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 68 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $18.00 per month in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Even with increased performance we didn't skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet, you'll have the security knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of illegal speed.

But the changes don't stop there. Sporty mag-style aluminum-foil hubcaps and an all-new aggressive wedge shape designed by CM's Chief Stylist Harry Reid slices through the wind like an omnibus spending bill. It even features an airtight undercarriage to keep you and a passenger afloat up to 15 minutes when in puddles -- even in the choppy waters of a Cape Cod inlet. Available in a rainbow of bright color choices to match any wardrobe, from Mexican Avocado to French Mustard.

Inside, a luxurious Navy-boat gray, all-velour Barney Frank designed interior features thoughtful appointments like dashboard condom and baby oil dispenser and detachable vibrating shift knob. A special high capacity hatchback holds up to 300 aluminum cans, meaning fewer trips to the redemption center. And the standard 3 speaker Fairness ActoPhonic FM low-band sound system bellows the latest hits from the NPR when you insert your government-issued instant tax credit card.

Best of all, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt is made right here in the U.S.A. by fully card-checked unionized workers and Detroit's famous visionary jet-set managers. Even if you don't own one, you can enjoy the patriotic satisfaction knowing you're supporting extravagant wages, enormous benefits, private jets, and lavish political donations that once again make the American car industry the envy (laughing-stock) of the world.

But why not buy one anyway? With an MSRP starting at only $62,999.99, it's affordable too. Don't forget to ask about dealer incentives, rebates, tax credits, and wealth redistribution plans for customers from dozens of qualifying special interest groups. Plus easy-pay financing programs from Fanny Mae.

So take the bus to your local CM dealer today and find out why the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the only car endorsed by President Barack Obama. One test drive will convince you that you'd choose it over the import brands. Even if they were still legal.

Credit: Iowa Hawk Blog

Super Bowl Sunday

2010-02-07T10:27:00.003-05:00

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, and like millions of other people, I'll be sitting in front of the TV tonight to watch the game and the commercials. I think it's amazing what the NFL has done with the marketing of this game. Even people who don't like football tune in to see the commercials. And there have been many memorable ones.

Budweiser typically buys the lion's share of the air time, and they've had some great ads over the years. The Clydesdale horses are an integral part of Bud's marketing, and here is one of the better ads they've aired. A year or two ago, they came up with this ad, which is a tribute to the great American pastime of streaking.

But my favorite ad by far was one that was shown only once, during the 1984 Super Bowl. The introduction of the Macintosh computer and the calendar turning to 1984 resulted in a unique confluence of events, of which Apple's ad agency took full advantage. It is an advertising masterpiece.

Disclaimer: No dictators or thought police were harmed during the production of this ad.

The Games People Play

2010-01-20T08:10:00.014-05:00

Some tidbits about games...

The earliest known example of a game is a complete set of equipment for the Royal Game of Ur, dating to about 3000 BC. The Royal Game of Ur can be thought of as a precursor to Backgammon, and it was played with a precursor to dice. The earliest record of cubical dice is from 700 BC, so we must surmise that the people who played the Royal Game of Ur probably used 4-sided sticks to determine their moves. It's a good thing that cubical dice were invented - otherwise, most cars south of the Mason-Dixon line would sport a set of fuzzy sticks on their rear-view mirrors.

For the next 2,000 years or so, that was about all there was to play. Then one day, some guy in India came up with chess. This was a quantum leap from the Game of Ur, and chess quickly spread throughout Asia Minor. Chess is not a difficult game to learn, but it may be the most difficult of any game to master. The number of possible moves runs into the quintillions, and my feeble mind can't remember all those moves. But I still like to play.

Around the middle of the 15th century, the French, not having sufficient intellect to play chess, invented the standard four-suited deck of cards that we still use today. That led inexorably to the invention of the casino, where you won't find a single chessboard. For the French, this was a simple concept - all you needed to open a casino was a table, a deck of cards, and some cubical dice. I suspect they left it to the people in India to figure out the various odds for their casino games. This is not to say that the French invented the casino, for they did not. An invention like that required more creativity than could be found in France. But they needed a place to drink their wine, and what better place than a felt-covered table, complete with rails to prevent one from falling to the floor.

I recently discovered a new game: KenKen. This is no joke - it is a real game, invented just a few years ago, and can be found in the NY Times and many other dailies. It is similar to Sudoku in that it is played on a grid (as small as 4x4 and as large as 9x9), and that each row and column has no repeating numbers. In a 6x6 game, for example, each row will contain the numbers one through six, as will each column. The difference between KenKen and Sudoku is that there is some math involved with KenKen. What this means in practice is that you have to logically determine the possibilities before you can logically determine the possibilities...a wonderful concept.

Rather than me trying to explain it, follow this link to the KenKen page, where you can print off puzzles and learn the ropes. You can also read Will Shortz' assessment of the game - and if Will Shortz likes it, it is probably worth a look. (He's the guy who edits the NY Times crossword puzzles and who has tempted more than one cruciverbalist to jump out the window.) The game is beautiful in its simplicity, yet devilish in its deceptions. If you can think logically, give it a go.

One of these drawings is logical, the other is not.

Can you tell the difference?

Greatest Hits: Five Years of the Golden Hill

2010-01-10T12:24:00.003-05:00

It occurred to me recently that it's been five years since I started posting on the Golden Hill. This presents a fine opportunity for me to economize my time and avoid having to write a lengthy post. Therefore, I bring you, in alphabetical order, the top 12 blog posts of the past five years.

There really were no criteria for selecting these particular posts. I did take into account the number of hits, and I also looked at the comments to help judge the quality of the post. But in the end, these are the ones that I enjoyed the most.

Achieving Dreams

Bears

Bran Flakes or Beer

Cows

Hollywood Squares

Home

The Hummingbirds of Ohio

I Don't Get it

Meeting Beatrice

Puns

Speak To Me

Wyndanwood

Happy New Year 2010

2009-12-31T09:11:00.002-05:00

Another year come and gone...and another Laughing Horse Award from Yorkshire Pudding!

I'd like to thank my parents, my agent, and all the little people that helped me achieve the success that warrants a Granddad Blogger of the Year award from Yorkie!

The Annual Post Christmas Post

2009-12-27T16:42:00.005-05:00

Christmas 1956...from left to right: Linda, Thom, me and Diane. (This was several years before Thom broke his radio and somehow convinced me to trade my good radio for it.)

It's now 53 years later, and Beatrice is older than I was when that picture was taken. And judging by this clip and picture, I'd say the technology has improved somewhat. You couldn't even take movies with your phone back in those days. I just don't know HOW we survived!

Each year, there seems to be a Christmas gift that stands out, and this year is no exception. It turns out that Dorothy hired an artist go out to Wyndanwood to create two oil paintings. It was left to the artist to determine the views, and surprisingly, the pond did not make it into either painting. But they are just beautiful, and my challenge is to find an appropriate place to hang them. These photos do not do justice, but feast your eyes...

Season's Greetings 2009

2009-12-24T10:27:00.010-05:00

Another year has come and gone. But this has been good a year, capped off by a trip the the Bahamas, whence we returned last night.

The trip began last Friday, and it didn't start out very well. We arrived in Nassau at about 2:30 in the afternoon, but our luggage was still stateside. The next flight from Atlanta was coming in at 4, so we decided to wait for that flight, hoping that our luggage would be on it. We headed to the airport bar, where I enjoyed a few cold Kaliks, and Dorothy had a Pina Colada. Unfortunately, she was not feeling well, so she drank about half of her drink, then found the most comfortable accommodations she could and laid down while I stayed at the bar.

As 4 o'clock neared, I went back to the Delta Airlines counter, and the agent told me the flight was now delayed until almost 6 o'clock, and he could not guarantee that our bags would even be on that flight. So we hopped into a cab and headed to Paradise Island.

We stayed at the Riu Palace (next door to Atlantis), and this is the first all-inclusive trip I've taken. And when I say all-inclusive, that is exactly what I mean. All food and beverage was included in the price, including 24-hour room service. Considering Dorothy's status, and the fact that we couldn't clean up to go have dinner, we ordered room service, and we didn't have to wait long for a nice meal of salad, a club sandwich and chocolate cake. Our luggage arrived at 11:30 that night.

The rest of the trip was about the beach, and two trips to Nassau - one by taxi, one by ferry. The weather was not ideal - it was windy most of the time, and I don't think it even got to 70 on Monday. But there was much less wind in town than at the beach, and we did see some sunshine. We also saw the little drummer boy of song...appropriate for the Christmas season.

We took several walks along the beach, and it is one of the cleanest I've ever seen. It is also the softest - it's actually hard to walk the beach because you sink deep into the sand, regardless of whether it's wet or dry.

So, after 6 days of Paradise Island, we returned to Ohio, and as usual, my living room is decorated for Christmas. Dorothy's theme for the tree this year is, appropriately, Wyndanwood.

Wyndanwood is all about trees and nature and fish and other animals.

This Christmas will be special, because it will be Beatrice's first Christmas at Grandpa Sam's house. Her stocking makes a nice addition to the mantel!

To all who read this, Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming new year.

Those Crazy Belgians

2009-12-05T11:40:00.001-05:00

This scene is from the main train station in Antwerp, Belgium. You've got to smile...

The Sedated Ape

2009-12-05T10:56:00.005-05:00

I ran across The Sedated Ape a few days ago, and it is one of the most entertaining blogs I've ever read. It's not for the faint of heart, and if you can't abide a bit of foul language, you'll probably want to avoid it. But anything that makes me laugh out loud is meant to be shared!

The Sedated Ape has earned a spot on the Official Golden Hill Blog Roll.

I Think I'm Not Dead

2009-11-29T20:33:00.003-05:00

They say if you live long enough, you'll see everything. Here is an actual e-mail I received this week:

EMS/Speedpost Corporate Headquarters
8, Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way,
P.M.B. 022, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria.
Tel: 01-4764431

Re: DELIVERY OF PACKAGE S.T.C ATM CARD:

Attn: Sir/Madam,

This is to inform you that one Mr. Gabriel Evans and Mr. Alan Mills stormed my office this afternoon via comprehensive email with copy of your DEATH CERTIFICATE and CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP attached, thereby notifying us that you are dead and that before your death, you appointed both of them as your Next-of-Kin to your outstanding sum of US$1.5 million uploaded on your ATM card presently under our custody and demanded that the ATM card should be release to them and ready to pay for the delivery cost. But when the debit note was submitted to my desk for approvals of Release Order to these men, I noticed some discrepancies as there was no evidence of authorization letter from you for the change of beneficiary.

I urgently stopped further movement of the release of the ATM card and at the same time placed a STOP ORDER instruction on the shipping of your ATM card whether delivery charges paid or not pending when your views and comments are received with regards to this matter.

Please get back to us immediately for your consent if you are still alive because we will not hesitate to continue the onward delivery of the ATM card in favour of the two gentleman if there is no response from you within the next 48 hours from now as your silence will be a clear indication that you are actually dead and have authorized the change of ownership in favour Mr. Gabriel Evans and Mr. Alan Mills.

Best Regards,

Mr. Samuel C. Ado.
International Shipping Manager.
Direct Cell-Phone: +234-8062324746.

I really do appreciate this guy looking out for me, and urgently stopping further movement of the release of the ATM card. And I really like how he signs off with "Best Regards" after telling me in the preceding paragraph that I am actually dead. And how does one storm another's office via comprehensive e-mail?

Stuff That Bird

2009-11-24T08:14:00.000-05:00

A reminder...if you need a good recipe for stuffing, follow this link....

Fantastic Machine

2009-11-22T12:29:00.004-05:00

Courtesy of the official One Voice Music Festival...

If you're a musician or an engineer, you'll enjoy this. If you're neither, you'll still enjoy it...wish I had thought of this.

More From Wyndanwood

2009-11-08T13:23:00.004-05:00

I can't seem to find the time to compose one of my typical awe-inspiring posts, so enjoy some scenes from Wyndanwood. These pictures were taken two weeks ago before the leaves fell off the trees. I just love it out there.

There is nothing like the smell of bacon frying in the open air. I made breakfast for everyone before they came over to the clearing where we took the pictures.

I think Beatrice likes it out here too.

The colors were just phenomenal, and the way they reflected off the pond made it hard to tell where the water ended and the land started.

Good thing Sonja remembered to bring the tripod!

Odds & Ends

2009-11-02T07:03:00.003-05:00

These two items recently came to me via e-mail. I thought they were worth posting...can someone explain Copperfield?

Wyndanwood

2009-10-18T17:40:00.009-04:00

I got home a little while ago from Wyndanwood. This will require some explanation, and I need to go back about 9 1/2 years ago to start this story.

June 2000: My buddy Paul and I came off the golf course and headed to Gibby's on the River, a nice restaurant and bar that is about a mile from my house. While there, two women walked in, and I had my eye on one of them - the slim, attractive blonde. After navigating my way to the proper seat (and outwitting Paul to do so), I met Dorothy. We had a nice talk, I got her phone number, and I called her the next day. The rest, as they say, is history.

Like me, Dorothy grew up on a farm. You learn certain things when you grow up that way, and we have a lot in common because of it. We're frugal, we're not afraid to get our hands dirty, and you learn early in life that you can live without a lot of the things the city kids had. One of the things we have in common is a love of the outdoors, especially where water is involved.

The farm on which Dorothy grew up was a 200 acre tract at one time, but her father sold off parts of it and it is now 100 acres. The house where Dorothy and her siblings were raised still stands, and a friend of ours recently rented it from Dorothy's mother. There are two ponds and about 70 acres of woods.

Last February, Dorothy broached me with an idea: should we look into buying part of the farm? I hadn't been out there in several years, and buying it had never crossed my mind, so we drove out to take a look. And that's all it took for me to agree that we should pursue it. Words can't describe the beauty of the place. We spent quite a bit of time out there over the summer, just enjoying the scenery and the peace and quiet.

We initially thought we'd buy 30 acres, and we had the land surveyed and an appraisal done. As it turned out, that 30 acres was priced too high for us, so we had it resurveyed and reappraised. The second time we got it right, and we now own 18 acres in Union County, Ohio, complete with a 4 acre pond and about 12 acres of woods.

There are trails going through the woods, and sitting in a canoe in the middle of a pond that is situated in the middle of the woods is about the most serene feeling there is. The only sounds you hear are the wind and the wildlife. There are deer and turkeys and woodpeckers and blue jays and wood ducks and probably some coyotes, too. The pond is full of blue gills and largemouth bass, but we couldn't hear them.

We closed on the property a week ago Friday, and today was the first day we went out to start maintaining it. The pond will need some work, and the trails will need some cleaning up, and I spent nine hours in a clearing today cutting off low limbs and burning them. Dorothy came over in the canoe with soup and sandwiches, and all is well with the world.

By next spring, the pond will have the silt removed, we'll put in a couple of docks, and buy a little boat suitable for bass fishing. (The canoe is great, but my back complains every time I get in and out of it.)

I'll close this post with some pictures of Wyndanwood -- the name Dorothy chose for the property. I look forward to spending time with her on our little piece of heaven.

I can think of worse places to be.

I think she likes it out here...

The Cathedral - and a newly cleared trail. We spent most of our time today working on this.

No contest!

Lobbyists Have Talent

2009-10-05T07:03:00.005-04:00

Every two years, the Ohio Chamber of Commerce hosts a legislative conference at Salt Fork State Park. Salt Fork is well off the beaten path, and it's so large that when you pull into the entrance, it's still another 6 miles to the lodge.

The Salt Fork conference is one of those events that one shouldn't miss. There are always good speakers (this year's keynote speaker was former US Senate Majority Leader Tom Dashle) and great hospitality. The event is themed, this year's theme being Capitol Square's Got Talent! A committee was formed to write material for a talent show of sorts. We thought we had 4 or 5 legislators lined up to perform, but in the end, only two of them did. But we had several lobbyists willing to take the stage.

There is an unwritten code between lobbyists and legislators: Thou shalt not take pictures where legislators and lobbyists mingle. Well, given this year's theme, I thought it was important to document some of the talent. The clip you are about to see is a duet sung by Jenn Klein and Mike Carroll. For those not in the business, "Sabety" refers to Pari Sabety, the Director of the Ohio Office of Budget & Management. The song is about the state budget, which was billions of dollars in the hole, and Sabety's way of making the budget balance. Jenn and Mike graciously gave their assent to me posting this here. They rehearsed for many hours, and we were a little worried about how this was going to come off, but as you'll see, it worked out just fine. In fact, many thought it was the best part of the entire program.

Next stop: American Idol!

Beware the Scam

2009-09-30T06:59:00.002-04:00

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead they ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen August 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also September 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant!

This story has been on the web for quite a long time, but I still get a chuckle out of it.

I Have a Headache

2009-09-26T15:25:00.004-04:00

A friend sent this little monster to me, and it's been driving me nuts.

I've managed to figure out 27 of them, but the remaining 6 have eluded me. Have a go...

The Class of 1974

2009-09-20T19:33:00.009-04:00

I haven't posted in quite a while, and with good reason. The past few weeks have been exceedingly busy. But that's good news, because I have a lot of new blog fodder. I'll be posting about a trip to Indiana, a recent comedy show (political satire), a pond and wild animals. But first things first...

Thursday two weeks ago, three friends of mine flew into Columbus for our high school class reunion. The plan was to stay at my house Thursday night, play golf Friday morning, then head north to Bellevue for 4 days and 3 nights of frivolity and golf. We got the frivolity part right, but our golf plans were rendered moot by long hours of adult beverages. Try getting these guys up for a 9 o'clock tee-time after they were out until 3 o'clock that morning. It just doesn't work.

So midday Thursday I headed to the airport, where I found Chuck having a beer at Max & Erma's. He had just flown in from Las Vegas, where's he's lived for many years. I ordered a beer and that is how things start.

Mike arrived from Baton Rouge about an hour and a half later, and shortly after came Dennis from Houston. They had arranged for a rental car because my car is not big enough for all four of us, plus luggage, plus golf clubs, plus a cooler for the beer. So Chuck rode with me for the rest of the trip, while Mike and Dennis traveled in the rental.

We sat on my porch and had some beers and talked, followed by a few hours at my local watering hole. Then we got back to my house, where we sat on the porch for hours talking. (I wish I had taken a picture of my porch on Friday morning -- it looked like a crime scene. There were countless empty beer cans, the ash tray was overflowing, and about a thousand ants had converged on the piece of sausage someone dropped on the porch.) We finally called it a night so we could be well rested for our round of golf at New Albany Links.

After golf, we drove north. Mike had reserved a room at Bellevue's only (I think) hotel: The Bellevue Hotel and Suites. We had heard some horror stories about the place, but the price was right. We would have a suite with 4 beds and 4 baths for $20 per night per man. The picture below does not do this room justice. The room was 70 feet long, and the TV was so far away from me, I couldn't even tell if it was turned on. We had to text each other to communicate.

The plan for Friday was to go on the Booze Cruise, which leaves the Sandusky dock at 7 o'clock. There were 7 or 8 of us on the cruise, and we had a great time catching up with each other. We also had a great meal of perch at the Village Pump. When we got back to the mainland, we headed straight for the Bellevue Beer Dock, arriving there around 12:30. You can now begin to understand why we didn't play golf Saturday morning as planned. That Friday night was the first time I've been in a bar at closing time in many years. (For those who live outside Ohio, the bars close at 2:30 in the morning.)

On Saturday, we had a late breakfast and went to the Elks club to watch the Ohio State football game with my mother. Most of my classmates know mom, in part because she taught second grade at Immaculate Conception School, and many of them had her for a teacher. After the game, we went back to the hotel to clean up for the pre-reunion party that was being held at my brother's house. I've posted about Thom's place before -- suffice it to say, he has a great place for an outdoor party. So we ate and drank and had a great time sitting by the fire, then we headed to the Bellevue Beer Dock. We didn't play golf Sunday morning, either.

We did manage to play golf Sunday afternoon, at the new and improved Twin Lakes Golf Course, which just happened to be where the reunion was being held. The reunion was a blast. There were a few people there whom I hadn't seen since 1974, and the turnout was much better than we had for our 30th. And there was something different about this one: people really were themselves. Any pretense that some may have had in their younger years was gone, and the conversations were more likely to be about grandchildren and arthritis than about the new Lexus someone just bought.

The reunion wound down around 10 o'clock, so we headed to the Bellevue Beer Dock.

This picture was taken at the Bellevue Beer Dock!

After a quick trip to Sandusky on Monday morning (Chuck bought 20 pounds of yellow perch, which you surely can't get in Las Vegas), we came back to my place, and made one more trip to my watering hole. By Tuesday morning, I knew I had made a good decision to take a vacation day, because my body needed a day off before returning to work. By mid-afternoon, everyone was either at the airport or in the air, and I went home and took a long nap.

The Sun and the Moon

2009-08-31T07:01:00.003-04:00

She's just shy of nine months old, and she's sort of crawling!

The question was whether she would choose golf or astronomy as her hobby...

Say What?

2009-08-25T06:59:00.003-04:00

I find great irony in these articles.

Hey, what do you expect for $900,000?

No fossil, no nuclear, no hydro..no electricity, you morons!

It's What's For Dinner

2009-08-07T15:02:00.006-04:00

I took a vacation day this week so I could spend a little time with my brother back at the farm. We pulled the truck into the barn to unload some feed, and there were his cows. Last year, I took some pictures of the cows, but this year I was able to take a little movie from my iPhone.

The cows apparently have never heard the Moon River joke.

The barn is next to the house in which we grew up, and Thom lives a quarter mile down the road in the house in which our mother grew up. We took the lane back to his house. I'm including this clip of our trip down the lane because you need to experience driving between walls of field corn at least once in your life. You can see part of the Golden Hill Cemetery on the left where we make the right turn at the end.

We reached our destination and sat for hours on Thom's back porch drinking beer and shooting the breeze. The air was very comfortable, and there are few things as beautiful as a full, brilliant orange moon rising over a field of corn. It was a good day.

Home Alone

2009-08-02T11:05:00.002-04:00

As I remember the story, a guy had a pool in his backyard, and on most days he would return home from work to find that the water level in his pool was significantly lower than when he had left in the morning. After eliminating the possibility that his pool had a leak, he decided there could only have been one cause.

Convinced that someone was using his pool during the day, he set up a video camera to catch the culprits. This is what he saw.

Nationalized Health Care - Bad Medicine

2009-07-25T16:53:00.009-04:00

In keeping with the spirit of the Golden Hill, this is not a partisan post. This is a plea for voters to understand some issues.

The President went on TV last Wednesday to push for his health care proposal, and the gist of his message was: this can't wait.

We've all heard the reasons for this attempt to nationalize the American health care system: there are 45 million uninsured Americans, spending on Medicare and Medicaid is bankrupting us, and, by golly, everyone needs to have health care insurance.

Last fall, I put up a post about statistics. One of the illustrations was used to demonstrate how easy it is to manipulate numbers. Go here to take a look at "Check The Math." Is it possible that 45 million Americans are without health insurance? I suppose so. If that's the case there are about 260 million Americans with health care insurance. So we're not doing all that badly. But I challenge the statement that there are 45 million people without it.

Estimates vary, but somewhere between 12 million and 18 million of those people are illegal immigrants, and I do not need to pay for their health insurance. They are here illegally. They need to go back whence they came, and enter this country legally. Once that has been done, we'll talk about social benefits.

There are people between jobs who are counted among those 45 million. There are also a large number of people who don't have insurance simply because they choose not to have it. But under the government's plan, they will be required to have insurance. What happened to freedom of choice?

So it's likely that there are far fewer than 45 million people without insurance, but here's a fact of American life: they all have access to health care. If you're too poor to insure yourself, you are eligible for various government programs. And if you show up at an emergency room, you will not be turned away, regardless of your circumstance.

In his speech, the President said, "It is about the fact that the biggest driving force behind our federal deficit is the skyrocketing cost of Medicare and Medicaid. If we do not control these costs, we will not be able to control our deficit. If we do not reform health care, your premiums and out-of-pocket costs will continue to skyrocket."

With all due respect, Mr. President, the biggest contributor to our national deficit is your insane spending spree, done in the name of "stimulus." And the last time I looked, Medicare and Medicaid were government-run programs, and now you want to turn the rest of the health care system over to the government?

The President also said that two-thirds of the cost of the health care legislation could be funded by reducing waste and redirecting federal funds that are already being spent. Well, go in and reduce the waste and then let us know how it went. He does acknowledge that the remaining third of the cost would require higher taxes.

The President made a promise: "I pledge that I will not sign health insurance reform - as badly as I think it's necessary - I won't sign it if that reform adds even one dime to our deficit over the next decade - and I mean what I say."

That sounds reasonable, but think about what he is saying: Health care reform will not add to the deficit. That means he will raise taxes to whatever level necessary to fund the reforms. And you can bet your life that these reforms will be more costly than anyone has predicted.

I am not a mean-spirited person, and I do have compassion, but this proposal will cause great harm to the economy. Mix it together with the so-called "cap and trade" legislation (I'll post on that later), the nationalization of the auto industry, and the enormous waste that is the stimulus program, and I am very concerned about the course this country is on.

Peter & Gordon

2009-07-22T07:29:00.003-04:00

I've been dealing with an illness in the family over the past several days. I've had no time to post, and this one will be brief. I'll get back at it next weekend.

Read this obit in the paper yesterday:

A year and a half ago (hardly seems like it's been that long), we learned of the death of Mike Smith of the Dave Clark Five. That brought back a flood of memories, and although Peter & Gordon did not have the widespread fame of the Dave Clark Five, they were still a quintessential 1960's band.

Gordon Waller's partner in the band, Peter Asher, had a sister named Jane who spent a lot of time with Paul McCartney at the time the Beatles' fame was skyrocketing. If you're a fan of the era, I'd recommend The Beatles: The Biography by Bob Spitz (Little, Brown and Company, 2005). It has a lot of great stories about those days, including the story of how Paul essentially created Peter & Gordon.

Rest in peace, Gordon Waller.

Becoming God (Rev. 1)

2009-07-12T07:53:00.011-04:00

Note - I revised the original post to clarify things.

The first rule of political campaigns is: not everyone thinks as you do. The same could be said for religion, which is why it's good practice not to discuss either subject in polite company.

Yorkshire Pudding had a recent post that provoked some thinking on my part. The post describes his visit to Lourdes, which for the uninformed, is a shrine in the Catholic religion. His experience at Lourdes was quite different than mine would have been. That's some speculation on my part, because I've never been to Lourdes. But I think we would approach the place from different perspectives.

My theory goes something like this: ever since human beings have been able to wonder about their surroundings, they have been trying to find God, or more precisely, they have been trying to become God. Take a look at the night sky - you can't help but be awed by the sight. Our ancestors had their own ideas about what those little twinkling lights were all about. It's only been in the last three or four hundred years that we have come to realize what the stars really are, and that the earth is not the center of the universe.

But how did we obtain that knowledge? The answer is science. Through a method of testing various hypotheses, we can eliminate some possibilities, and ultimately, we arrive at what we believe to be the truth. And our desire to learn what makes things tick is what compelled us to travel to the moon and beyond. We want to know how it all began, we want to know how life emerged on this planet, and we want to know if life exists elsewhere. By "we," I mean humankind. There are plenty of people on this earth who could not care less about these things, but it is the yearning for knowledge -- complete knowledge -- that propels the human race forward.

I'm using space exploration and cosmology as examples here, but you could replace them with any other human endeavor and arrive at the same conclusion. We want to know everything there is to know about everything. Think of the human genome, the pursuit of a cancer cure, and the attempts to find the Grand Unified Theory. Once you have achieved full knowledge of everything, you have become God because you no longer need a higher power to provide the answers.

Marx called religion the opiate of the masses, and more than one war has been fought on religious grounds. To see how badly things can turn out, look no further than September 11. It's hard to disagree with those who say that religion has caused many sufferings, but it's vital to understand the context of the blame. It is most likely the practitioner of religion, not the religion itself, that is to blame. Different cultures have different views of God, not all of which can be true. And adhering to a religion is not the same as accepting all aspects of that religion, let alone accepting the premise of an unmoved mover.

We continue our pursuit of perfection and full knowledge, even while we have no way of knowing how it all began. The Big Bang Theory is generally accepted in the scientific community, but there is no way to know, given our current state of technology, if it actually happened. Even if it did, its very existence would beg the question: what was there before the Big Bang? We're told it was a singularity, which is just a nice way of saying, "Who the hell knows?" Cynics might ask what God was doing before the Big Bang. The answer: he was creating hell for people who ask questions like that.

Back in a college philosophy class, I ran across a passage that really amused me. But as I thought further about it, my amusement turned into resignation. Science can't answer everything. As so cleverly put by Robert Jastrow in God and the Astronomers:

For the scientist who has lived by faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries.

And that is the end of the story.

A Fourth of July Story

2009-07-05T11:40:00.003-04:00

Well, this is kinda sorta a July 4th story...no wonder the divorce rate is so high in this country!

Word Games

2009-06-24T18:09:00.005-04:00

I've taken many standardized tests over the years, and in all cases, my highest scores are in math. Numbers are easy for me, and I can calculate a lot in my head, and that ability has served me well.

But I also like word games. I do at least one crossword puzzle each day, and on some days, I'll do three or four. I like the USA Today crosswords late in the week, but not early in the week. They are too easy on Monday and Tuesday, but by Wednesday, they start to become a challenge.

I also like to play Scrabble, and by recently joining Facebook, I'm able to play multiple games of Scrabble with my siblings, nieces, nephews, children, and friends. At this moment, I think I have 6 games going. Some of the people I play against are very good, and it is a real challenge to win the games. I also like to solve the word jumble, which involves rearranging the letters of 5 words, and then using the circled letters of the answers to solve the riddle.

Then there is the daily cryptogram. I pride myself on solving these without use of a pen (I never use a pencil for any word game - it gives you a false sense of security). Some are tough, some are easy, but all are rewarding to solve. This morning's paper had the cryptogram you'll find below, and it had a cadence that seemed familiar. This one is not very hard to solve, and if you've been reading this blog for very long, you'll understand why I am posting it here. (Just click on it if you need to print it.)

The Demise of the Golfing Horses

2009-06-23T21:09:00.005-04:00

Lots of stuff recently.

This video, for example.

Sad, yet funny. Provocative, yet morose. Golf, yet philosophy. Horsehide, yet metal.

Well, you'll get it in a minute.

Zombies and Subtlety

2009-06-16T22:06:00.005-04:00

Just read a post from rhymeswithplague that reminded me of one of the most subtle movie lines of all time. Subtlety, of course, being in the eye and ear of the beholder.

The land is crawling with zombies...watch your step!

Achieving Dreams

2009-06-14T13:50:00.004-04:00

This picture was taken in May of 1982...a young father graduating from college, his dreams for his young daughter apparent.

Fast forward 27 years to yesterday.

I'm happy to say that Natalie can now put the initials "MBA" after her name if she so chooses. I give her a lot of credit -- working full-time, attending school 10 or 12 hours per week (and all that goes along with that), traveling, running, getting SCUBA certified, running a conversational German club, and so on and so forth -- and she completed her MBA on schedule.

I couldn't be prouder.

Blog Roll Additions

2009-06-14T11:26:00.003-04:00

Carolina at Brinkbeest in English has a very nice blog that is being added to the Golden Hill Blog Roll. She writes good stories, and she takes good pictures! Interesting that she maintains two Brinkbeests - one in Dutch, the other in English. Were I so talented...

I also added Rhymeswithplague to the Blog Roll a couple weeks ago, but failed to mention it in a post (sorry about that, Robert). When you visit his blog, be prepared to think!

Hollywood Squares

2009-06-06T10:10:00.009-04:00

In the mid-1960s, a game show called "Hollywood Squares" began airing on TV. It was one of the simplest game shows ever devised: the object of the game was to win a tic-tac-toe game. Celebrities occupied the squares, and were given questions. The contestant had to determine if the answer was correct or made-up by the celebrity. If you guessed right, you earned your X or your O.

The show ran intermittently for close to 40 years, with several different hosts and many different celebrities. The success of the show was based completely on the comedic quality of the answers given by the celebrities. You can judge for yourself - here are some examples.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. During a tornado , are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Half The Man I Used To Be

2009-05-31T19:49:00.002-04:00

I'm cleaning up some folders on my computer, and this video clip has been on my hard drive long enough.

I have no idea how this works...I wish the images were clearer, but I don't think that would make it any easier to figure out. If you have any ideas, please post a comment!

Determination

2009-05-29T20:31:00.001-04:00

More from the do-it-yourself section of Despair.com. The picture was taken from the bottom of the spiral staircase in the Marblehead lighthouse. I must have too much time on my hands...

KLM 747 Landing

2009-05-26T21:14:00.005-04:00

This is just unbelieveable.

A coworker was in St. Maarten a few months ago, and her son took a video of a KLM 747 landing. He entitled his film clip "The 10 Foot Plane," and you'll see why. It was something to see - I'll make a point of watching this if and when I get to St. Maarten. In addition to the one her son took, she showed me some others on You Tube. This apparently is a daily ritual at the beach.

Check out this video from You Tube...and remind that guy in the red car to keep his eyes on the road.

Fixing Hubble

2009-05-24T09:36:00.003-04:00

My friend Dennis, a contractor at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, sent this link to a lot of excellent pictures.

Cheers to NASA for extending Hubble's life by another 5 to 10 years.

Saving on Batteries

2009-05-24T09:12:00.002-04:00

I had no idea...

It's a Sunny Sunday Afternoon

2009-05-17T11:13:00.001-04:00

Think I'll Barbie-Q today...

Back in the Saddle

2009-05-16T12:26:00.007-04:00

The retina reattachment was successful. But what an experience it was.

The surgery was at 9:30 Thursday morning, and it was similar to the cataract surgery I had a few months ago, to this extent: they put me under for a few minutes to block the nerves around the eye, then they woke me up for the surgery. I was wide awake throughout the cataract surgery, but for this one, I kept nodding off, and the doctor kept telling me to try to stay awake. I guess it didn’t occur to him to slow down the anesthetic drip, and try as I might, I could not stay awake.

They put a patch on my eye, gave me some medicine and instructions, and I was sent home.

The first recovery phase of surgery like this begins when the anesthetic wears off. The whole right side of my head was numb when I got home, but within a few hours it began to wear off. That’s when I needed to start taking the medicine. The area around, and particularly behind, my eye hurt like hell that day and the next, but within a couple days, the pain was manageable.

Midday Friday I went back to the Eye Center to have the patch taken off. The doctor looked at the eye and declared the reattachment a success. He gave me 3 different types of eye drops and sent me home. My instructions were to lie on my left side as much as possible, but I could also lie with my face down or I could sit upright. I could not lie on my right side or my back, and I could not look up. I was specifically told not to sit in a recliner. The purpose of all this was to keep the gas bubble properly positioned within my eye.

When I got home, I got the first look at myself since the surgery, and it was not a pretty sight. My pupil was completely dilated, so there was no color to the eye. The area around my eye was swollen, and the white of my eye was a bright red. I also had a cat’s-eye kind of appearance, probably due to reflection from the gas bubble they injected into my eyeball. As for vision, all was a blur.

By Saturday morning I had noticed a change. I could see a small horizontal line near the upper limit of my vision, and as I tilted my head, the line stayed horizontal. This was from the fluids that were replacing the gas bubble in my eye. I was beginning to feel like Steve Austin – I had a bionic eye with a built-in level. Imagine how easy it would be to read greens with this level – if only I could see the greens.

By Sunday, a bit of the color had returned to the pupil, and the swelling had gone down. I noticed that when I looked straight down, it was like looking through a few inches of water. If I moved at all, the image would move until the fluid settled. But it was still all a blur.

On Monday, I noticed that the horizontal line had moved down a bit. This confused me because I assumed the line would move up as fluid filled the eye – until I remembered that the eye sees everything upside down and backwards. The other thing about Monday was the realization that lying on one side for extended periods is not much fun. More than once I woke up lying on my back, and I immediately turned over to my left side.

Tuesday was uneventful other than I could see that the horizontal line had dropped a bit more. I could make out images above the line, but not very well.

Wednesday was a good day in at least one respect. The horizontal line was noticeably lower on Wednesday morning than it was Tuesday might, and by Wednesday evening it was lower still. I was beginning to see things above the line, and even though the vision wasn’t clear, I could make things out. The downside was that the line was now right in the middle of my field of view, and it drove me nuts. Also, the sensation of looking at everything though water was disorienting. This is very hard to describe, but it is not very comfortable.

Thursday’s milestone was when I looked straight down at something. Although I was still looking through that water, there was now a ring around it. That told me that the gas bubble was shrinking.

It took another week for the bubble to disappear. As the days passed, the circle I saw when I looked down got smaller and smaller, and on the 14th day, it was gone. I don't think that means the gas is gone...it just means I can no longer see it. They told me I couldn't fly until mid-summer because of the gas in my eye.

As I write this, it has been 15 days since the surgery. Anyone would be able to see that my eye has been through some kind of trauma, and the vision remains very blurry. I’m told that it could take several months for my vision to get back to normal, and the eye still itches. But things are looking up (pun intended) and I will return to work on Monday.

Day two and day eleven....

Hiatus

2009-04-28T21:58:00.002-04:00

This will be brief.

A week ago, I had a visit with my ophthalmologist. That very day, I had laser surgery to heal a retinal tear, and I had no idea that I would have this surgery when I went to work that morning. In the meantime, I'm not supposed to read or spend any time in front of a computer. That might explain why I haven't posted in a while. This is the same eye I had cataract surgery on in October.

It didn't work - and by that I mean the laser surgery. On Thursday of this week, I will have the full retinal surgery which involves them draining my eyeball and filling the cavity with gas to keep pressure on the bad spot.

They tell me it's 90% effective, and the recovery involves me lying down on my left side for at least a week. I will have no ability to read or post anything during that time, so I'll be back in a week or two.

In the meantime, visit Yorkshire Pudding, The Last Visible Dog, and Rhymes With Plague to keep yourself amused. And know that when I come back, I'll have stories....

The Columbus Clippers

2009-04-19T20:47:00.007-04:00

Saturday: A beautiful day for the first baseball game played in Huntington Park, home of the Columbus Clippers.

The opening day ceremonies were full of fanfare. A color guard posted the colors. Local, state and federal dignitaries walked onto the field to be introduced to the fans. Of note: all of them received a smattering of applause, except Congresswoman Mary Jo Kilroy, who was loudly booed.

Bob Feller, the great Cleveland Indians pitcher, was there to throw out the first ceremonial pitch. Feller is 90 years old, so he needed some help with that pitch. I once met Bob Feller and got his autograph for my mother, who kept a Bob Feller scrapbook in her younger years.

Columbia Gas supported the construction of the new ballpark, and in return we were given naming rights to the left-field foul pole. Our sign is not as prominent as others in the park, but others gave much more money to the cause. That's just the way it works.

Then there was the real first pitch, thrown by Jeremy Sowers...

Not a good way to start the game. That single led to the first run of the game, and the Clippers ultimately lost by a score of 3 to 1.

The Stanley Cup Playoffs

2009-04-19T18:38:00.009-04:00

The Columbus Blue Jackets played their first regular season game on October 7, 2000. They played in their first Stanley Cup playoff game last Thursday, in the hostile environment of Joe Louis Arena. It is a high achievement to make the playoffs, but we had to go up against the Stanley Cup champions of 2008 (and many other years), the Detroit Red Wings.

Six of us made the drive up to Detroit for the game, and our seats were on the glass, which is exactly where you want to be for a hockey game. The Detroit fans were, for the most part, civil. I say that because some of the fans were not. We were booed as we walked through the arena to our seats, and I was pelted once during the game. I did my best to make light of it, telling some of our tormenters, "That's not very sportsmanlike...we're just here to play hockey." Some of the Detroit fans said that we should be glad we weren't playing the Chicago Black Hawks -- if you want to see a rude home-team crowd, Chicago's your place.

Detroit hockey fans are serious about their Red Wings. Here's the evidence...

The Red Wings are an old-school hockey team, and as you might expect, there are traditions galore. During the pregame festivities, a giant inflated octopus was lowered to the ice, and a real octopus was thrown from the stands onto the ice. The Legend of the Octopus is a sports tradition dating back to 1952. Go here to read about it.

The game was scoreless at the end of the first period, but the Red Wings started to dominate during the second period, and we lost the game. But some good came out of it. I was able to attend a Stanley Cup playoff game for the first time, and I also learned why hockey is better than golf. Listen to my friend Dan explain that in this short video.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T09:48:00.002-04:00

New Adventures in Radio

2009-04-06T10:08:00.006-04:00

I've been absent for a while...

Thanks to the federal stimulus package, the state of Ohio recently passed a transportation budget that included more than $700 million in stimulus-funded road projects. To make a long story short, that created a situation that required me to put on my lobbying shoes and try to protect our customers from cost increases associated with utility work that needs to be done to accommodate the road projects. With several other utility representatives engaged, we succeeded in placing an amendment in the bill to do just that. Unfortunately, the Governor whipped out his veto pen, so we're back to square one.

But I digress...this post is about radios.

I got my first radio for Christmas when I was 7 or 8 years old. It was a little transistor radio, complete with what are now known as ear buds. But this radio had only one bud, so stereo was not possible.

My brother also received a radio, and he promptly went to work rewiring it. As I remember it, he attached a wire to the internal antenna, then hung that wire to the wall so he could get better reception. He also reworked the battery connection so he could use one of those big lantern batteries to power the radio, apparently because the little 9 volt battery wouldn't last long enough. But somewhere along the way, something broke and he talked me into trading radios with him. His was better because of all the modifications he had made, and I didn't know that it was broken. When the radio he had just traded to me didn't work, he offered to sell my radio back to me for $8, which is exactly how much money I got for Christmas. Of course, I wanted a radio that worked, and he threatened to break both radios if I didn't agree, so I gave him my $8. Then Dad found out about this arrangement, and I ended up with my original radio and my $8, so all was well. (I think my brother missed his calling -- he should have been a used car salesman or a despot or something.)

Much has changed since that day. The latest rendition of radio is satellite radio, for which one must pay between $10 and $30 per month. I've always thought that satellite radio was a bad idea. Why would anyone pay for something that was free? There are plenty of radio stations that play all sorts of music, plus I have an iPod that I can listen to through my car stereo. So what's the point of pay radio?

You probably have some idea where this is going. I went out and bought a new car last week -- the car included an XM Radio tuner and a "free" 90 day subscription to XM Radio. After a week, I am hooked. I guess if you listen to your iPod all the time, you miss out on a lot of other music that is available. There are 66 music channels in the basic package, and I'm more than likely to subscribe when my 90 days run out. I don't need the sports channels, and I certainly have no use for Howard Stern, so I don't have any reason to cough up for the $30 subscription. But the fact that I am even considering a subscription is testament to the quality of the radio service.

Welcome to the future of radio...

Cafe Europa

2009-03-22T12:40:00.002-04:00

Unbeknownst to me, my daughter started her own blog about a year and a half ago. She has been posting pictures of her travels on Facebook for at least that long, and I recently walked the plank and got a Facebook account at her urging.

She is in Peru at the moment, and I'm sure she'll have stories to tell when she returns. In the meantime, Cafe Europa is now officially added to the Golden Hill Blog Roll.

The New Gary Larson?

2009-03-21T05:42:00.002-04:00

Man Laws

2009-03-14T11:44:00.006-04:00

Another one of those e-mails that has been around the world several hundred times...but it's still pretty funny.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. JUST SAY IT!

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Apricot is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Credit: Andythomas.com

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Australis

2009-03-14T10:54:00.007-04:00

It's been a very busy couple of weeks, and the coming weeks promise more of the same. For people who work on Capitol Square, the first six months of a legislative session are hectic. The Ohio Constitution mandates that a balanced two-year budget must be enacted by June 30 of odd-numbered years, and that process is well underway. With the federal government showering us with billions of dollars of aid, the stakes seem to be a little higher this year, and the politics are sure to get nastier.

But life goes on, and my older daughter is preparing for her trip to Peru. This is part of her MBA program at the Fisher College of Business at Ohio State. She is going into the mountains to provide assistance to the local population with micro-financing and business development. The original plan was to go to Bolivia, but the U.S. government issued a warning about traveling there, so Peru became the destination.

She wants to get the most out of this trip and asked me about the southern skies. I've been an amateur astronomer for years, and one thing that I absolutely must do before I kick the bucket is see the southern sky at night. So I dug out some books and went online to help her prepare.

The Southern Cross is probably the best known southern hemisphere constellation, at least among northern hemisphere people. From what I've been reading this morning, it's not uncommon for northerners to express disappointment upon seeing it for the first time. It's not as predominant as, say, Orion is in the northern hemisphere. But it does serve as a good point from which to navigate the rest of the sky. We in the north are fortunate enough to have a relatively bright pole star, something that will not be found in the southern hemisphere.

And then there are the clouds...

The Magellanic Clouds

I have been fascinated by the Magellanic Clouds ever since I first learned about them as a child. They are not part of the Milky Way galaxy, as was once believed, but are independent irregular galaxies that happened to drift into our neighborhood. In the northern hemisphere, we can see the most distant object visible to the naked eye: the Andromeda Galaxy, which is more than 2 million light years distant. But it is visible only under ideal conditions, and even then it looks like little more than a smudge. The Large Magellanic Cloud contains perhaps a tenth of the number of stars in Andromeda, but it is only 160,000 light years away, so the view must be much better.

The Large Magellanic Cloud

Not far away, astronomically speaking, is the Small Magellanic Cloud, which is about a tenth the size of the LMC. But I'd be willing to bet that it is a more accessible object to view than Andromeda.

To any readers in the Southern Hemisphere: please drop a line if there are other "must-see" objects in the night sky. And while she's down there, I'm going to ask her confirm that water flows clockwise down a drain!

Depression

2009-03-03T06:37:00.003-05:00

It has happened.

In this morning's paper is an article about the state of our economy, and the "D" word is now being used to describe it. The "experts" in these matters seem to agree that you don't know you are in a depression until after the fact, but by the standards of most, we are in a depression right now.

I suggested many months ago that we should let the failing institutions fail rather than bail them out. I feel more strongly about that now than I did last fall. We are throwing good money after bad, and I fear the future. Personal responsibility seems to have flown right out the window. Hard-working people are now being forced to bail out those whose irresponsibility led to this mess.

Humor seems to help humans deal with such situations...

Anticipating the Obama stimulus package, animals that were formerly self-sufficient are already modifying their behavior to take advantage of what they expect to be a new set of societal norms in the next four to eight years. This black bear from Montana has ceased hunting for a living and is sitting outside the US Fish & Wildlife Service office in Kalispell, apparently waiting to be fed and to have his winter den dug by government employees. The residents of Kalispell are calling him Bearack Obama.

Speak To Me

2009-02-20T09:58:00.010-05:00

Language is a fascinating thing. Imagine our ancestors before they learned to communicate through words. I suppose there were a lot of grunts and gestures involved, but somewhere along the line, language emerged. Now consider that there are more than 6,000 languages spoken in the world today (according to Stephen Anderson of the Linguistic Society of America). In Papua-New Guinea alone, there are an estimated 832 languages spoken by a population of about 4 million people. That is what I would call linguistic diversity. But that diversity is not spread evenly throughout the world: there are 230 languages spoken in Europe, and about 2,200 in Asia.

In the United States, English is king, but there is a growing Hispanic population. In 2005 the U.S. Census Bureau estimated that there were 31 million U.S. resident who spoke Spanish at home. That’s about 10% of the population, and the significance of that statistic is not lost on advertisers.

I’ve recently learned a few things that I found fascinating. For instance, in Farsi (spoken mainly in Iran), there are no upper and lower case letters, and there are no words for “he” or “she.” Irish and Chinese have something in common: neither language has a word equivalent to “yes.” I’m hoping a reader from the British Isles can explain to me what an Irishman says when asked if he’d like to go down to the pub for eight or ten quick ones.

When I was in high school, there was a two-year foreign language requirement for the college prep track. My choices were limited to French and Spanish. I would have preferred to take German, but it had been removed from the curricula of many schools (including mine) during World War I. So I took Spanish.

Spanish is pervasive enough in American society that most people know at least some Spanish. Here’s an example of how easy it is to learn the language and apply it. With only a year of high school Spanish, you too could write a song like this.

But here is what I want to know: are other languages as conducive to puns as English? My sister Linda recently sent me some puns, and the more clever among them follow. As I’ve written before, the more subtle the pun, the better I like it. But how in the world did mankind go from no language to this?

1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
2. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
3. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
6. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
7. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
8. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
9. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
10. A backward poet writes inverse.

Patches the Horse

2009-02-15T11:02:00.003-05:00

I'm a bit under the weather this week, so I'm taking the easy way out. Enjoy this clip of Patches the Horse.

This is Puzzling

2009-02-08T13:14:00.006-05:00

A friend at work, who likes crosswords as much as I do, passed this one along. It's from Wired magazine, and although it is not super difficult to solve, it is a little tricky. If you chose to solve it, just click on the images and you'll be able to print out the grid and the clues. Pay close attention to the explanation of how the virus corrupted the data.

Odds & Ends

2009-02-07T12:19:00.003-05:00

As Einstein once said, "Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Warning!

2009-02-07T12:00:00.003-05:00

Compliments of the National Lampoon, which I wish were still published. This is the "PG" rated version, which should explain the holes...just click on it to get a better view.

We Have Gone Mad

2009-01-31T11:21:00.005-05:00

So the economy is in the tank. After spending $700 billion on the last bailout, the powers that be are proposing another $850 billion. Tucked into that $850 billion spending plan are such things as $4 billion for community organizations (read: ACORN) and $75 million for smoking cessation programs. What that spending has to do with "stimulus," the purported objective of the plan, is beyond me.

Let's think about how much money this is. It's a trillion and a half dollars in total, money that will be repaid by my children and grandchildren. Either that or the inflationary impacts of the bailout, and the ensuing tax policy, will make the payback affordable by eroding the value of the dollar so much that...well, we all know what happened in Germany as a result of the hyperinflation that followed WWI.

But let's put some context to it. The weight of one million one-dollar bills is a little more than 2000 pounds, or about the same weight as a large draft horse. The weight of one trillion one-dollar bills is more than 2,000,000,000 pounds, or about the same weight as the human populations of London, Washington and Singapore combined.

If you laid one million one dollar bills end to end, they would stretch about 100 miles. That's enough to reach from the Ohio Statehouse to the Sandusky Bay, or from Chicago to Milwaukee, or from Leeds to Leicester. If you laid one trillion one dollar bills end to end, they would reach the moon and back 200 times. Our you could send them in the direction of the sun and they'd go right past it, by about 5 million miles.

One trillion is an incomprehensibly large number. And that's why people don't understand the sheer magnitude of this so-called bailout. Not even the people who are foisting this on us.

Here is one more thing to think about. One million seconds is 12 days; one trillion seconds is roughly 32,000 years, which is about how long our lawmakers must think we have to pay for this shameful waste of resources.

This Art Is Cool

2009-01-18T12:43:00.004-05:00

Actually, cold would be a better word.

We drove yesterday to Charles Mill Lake to enjoy the scenery. It was very cold yesterday, although not nearly as cold as it was earlier in the week. We took the back roads to get there, and we were rewarded with beautiful winter scenery in the rolling hills of the Mohican Forest. It took us nearly 2 hours to make the drive, but that was due as much to the state of the roads as anything else. The snow was blowing and drifting, and I suppose we could have made it in 90 minutes or less in good weather.

The Mohican is a popular destination in these parts. There are ski trails, white water rapids, miles and miles of walking trails, and some of the most beautiful scenery in Ohio. Malabar Farm is in the Mohican Forest, and is probably best known as the place where Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were married in 1939.

We made our first stop at a little place near the Charles Mill Dam, the Wayside Inn: The Best Bar By A Dam Site, as it was explained to us. There were just a few locals there, and it was obvious to them that we were from somewhere else. The people were friendly, though, and through them we learned that there were ice sculpture displays in Loudonville, about 12 miles away. We had a couple of cold ones to go with our bratwursts, then we took a drive around the lake and the marina, then we set out for Loudonville, which is known as the Canoe Capitol of Ohio.

The merchants in this little town must have loved the weather. You'll see from the pictures below that there are not a lot of people walking down the sidewalks to view the ice sculptures. That doesn't mean there weren't a lot of people in town; they went into the stores to stay warm.

These are just two examples of the sculptures. They were lined up on both sides of the street, and I would guess there were probably 30 in all. It's still well below freezing, so anyone in the area who wants to see them, now is your chance. I hope they'll be gone by next week, but based on the weather forecast, they'll probably be around another couple weeks or so.

More Despair

2009-01-11T12:57:00.002-05:00

This is just too much fun...

Despair

2009-01-11T11:53:00.003-05:00

You've probably seen some of the demotivational posters that are sold by Despair.com. As one of the founders of Despair says, motivational posters don't work, and Despair's demotivational posters don't work even better.

There is a new feature on the site that allows you to create your own demotivational posters. You can order prints of your creation from the website, or you can save the images to your own computer. I tried my hand this morning, and here is my first original demotivational poster:

If you'd like to create your own posters, here is the link to the do-it-yourself area of Despair.com. There's even an instructional video to help you along.

Zzzzzzzz...

2009-01-08T07:28:00.003-05:00

Ten things you might say when caught sleeping in the office:

1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.

3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.

4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

6. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.

7. Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.

8. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!

9. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic.

10. Amen.

It's Only Words

2009-01-05T20:41:00.011-05:00

What a great tune by the Bee Gees (Words), but this is about actual words.

A homophone is a word that sounds like another, but is spelled differently and has a different meaning. Examples:

eye - I
so - sew
dough - doh!

You get the idea. I won't patronize you.

To patronize is to explain more than is necessary because you assume the other person doesn't quite understand what you are trying to say.

There is another class of words known as heteronyms (thanks to several readers who supplied the term). The idea here is that two words can be spelled the same way but be pronounced two different ways and have two completely different meanings. An alphabetical list of every such word I have found follows. If you can add to the list -- please do so:

Appropriate
Axes
Bass
Bow
Close
Content
Console
Contract
Converse
Desert
Does
Dove
Entrance
Incense
Intimate
Lead
Minute
More
Number
Object
Pate
Present
Produce
Putting
Refuse
Resume
Row
Sewer
Sow
Tear
Wind
Wound

Note that lame doesn't work because it uses more than letters in one sense. Resume and pate are OK because alternate spellings allow only letters.

Then there is the Holy Grail of the English language: one pronunciation, three spellings, and three meanings. The challenge is to find more of these gems. I have only these, but no doubt there are many more:

by, bye, buy
freeze, frieze, frees
flew, flu, flue (contributed by Liz)
four, for, fore
hi, hie, high (contributed by Liz)
I'll, aisle, isle (contributed by Liz)
knew, gnu, new (not fair using a Greek letter to get to 4!)
meat, mete, meet (contributed by Liz)
pear, pare, pair (contributed by Liz)
reign, rain, rein
sees, seas, seize (contributed by Liz)
sew, so, sow
sight, site, cite (contributed by Liz)
there, their, they're (contributed by Liz)
to, too, two
wind, wined, wynd (contributed by Liz)
you, ewe, yew

And if three meanings is the Holy Grail, then four meanings must be a true rarity, kind of like finding Yeti hiding in your garage:

do, dew, doo, due
aye, eye, I, ai
rite, right, wright, write (contributed by Liz)

Game on...

The sights and sounds....

2009-01-03T15:52:00.004-05:00

Our hotel is visible on the left in this panoramic view of the Cocoa Beach Pier. That's Dorothy in the middle in the orange sweatshirt. Trust me when I say it was warm, she is fair-skinned and needs to cover herself while in the sun.

And of course, no Cocoa Beach post would be complete without a small movie taken from the beach. Enjoy -- and if you want to see how much camera technology has improved in the past few years, see a similar movie posted on March 22, 2008.

Cocoa Mole Crabs

2009-01-02T10:46:00.019-05:00

That doesn't sound very appetizing, does it?

We had a great trip to Cocoa Beach, arriving around 8 PM on Friday. The trip down was long...we had smooth sailing until we got near Orangeburg, South Carolina on I-26, where the traffic suddenly stopped. It took a long while to get around the obstruction, which turned out to be a car that had burned up on the edge of the freeway.

We finally got to I-95 for the last leg of the trip, and that's when the real trouble started. For almost 300 miles, we were in stop and go traffic. Mile after mile through South Carolina, and the traffic never let up. When we hit the Georgia state line, things finally broke out. But not for long. We ran into a construction zone and continued the stop and go driving until we finally hit the Florida state line. The remaining 200 miles or so were a breeze, but it took us every bit of 16 hours to arrive at our destination, about 2 hours longer than it should have taken.

The weather was ideal, with Cocoa Beach having a record high of 81 on the day we arrived. Every day was sunny and pleasant.

But back to the mole crabs. If you've ever walked along the beach in Florida, you've probably noticed the little holes that form in the sand after the waves recede. Those little holes are caused by mole crabs, also known as sand fleas. I managed to film some of them as they burrowed into the sand, and here is one of the better examples. This one must have been intent on moving, as he stayed on the surface until a wave came in and moved him along the beach.

You really have to watch for them, and the larger ones that are used as bait by the surf casters are even harder to spot. Their shells look exactly like rippled sand, and they burrow into the sand so deftly that they are nearly impossible to spot. That's why you won't see any here.

See next post for the sights and sounds of Cocoa Beach...

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T07:33:00.002-05:00