Pet Peeves

Time out from the Great American Novel.

I have some pet peeves, as I'm sure everyone does. I'm going to list my top nine. Some are societal, some are grammatical, and if you're guilty of any of these, please stop. I play by the rules, and if everyone did, this world would be a much nicer place.

In approximate order toward the worst:

1. Loud, loud speakers in your car. This is especially true if you're listening to rap music. If I'm trying to listen to a soft passage of a Bach concerto and I can't hear it with my windows up, your volume is too high.

2. The fire lane is a FIRE LANE!! What is so hard to understand about that? I can't stand to see able-bodied people parking right in front of the dry cleaning business so they can drop off their clothes. Park in the little spaces that have a stripe on either side. I know it's a 20 second walk from there, but you'll manage just fine. Then I won't have to wait for oncoming traffic while you're picking up your duds. Please.

3. This is for Lake Erie people, but why in the world are you keeping a 4 inch perch?? If it ain't 7 inches long (and I'm sorry if "ain't" is one of your pet peeves, but it seems to work here), let the poor fish live another year so it grows up to be big enough that you can actually eat it.

4. Turn signals were made for a reason. Use them before you cut in front of me on the freeway. Or when you're turning. That way I won't throw anything at you...or follow you home and make threatening gestures at you all the way there.

5. When the signs says, "12 items or less," that's what it means. Not 13. Not 16. Not 23. It means 12.

6. "Irregardless" is not a word. You mean "regardless." So say what you mean.

7. When you are shopping, take the cart to your car and unload it. Then take it to the place designated for shopping carts. Don't leave it in the parking space, or elsewhere on the lot. I had a new car that was dented during the first week of ownership because some inconsiderate shopper left his/her shopping cart in the parking lot, and the winds were blowing enough to slam it into my car. Like #2 above, it will take about 20 seconds out of your day to play by the rules, so just do it. This one burns me a lot.

8. If you and I have something between us, it's between you and me. It's not between you and I. Didn't Mrs. Smith teach you anything in 5th grade English? It's between YOU AND ME.

9. My biggest pet peeve...if you hog the passing lane and you are not passing, you are my enemy. Here is a mantra for you: "The left lane is for passing. The left lane is for passing. THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING." Make your move, pass the car, then get back to the right where you belong. If you've ever driven on the Autobahn, you know that passing on the right is illegal, hence people pass on the left and get the hell out of the way. It's efficient, it's reasonable, and it's the smart way to drive, so get the hell out of my way.