Monday, April 21, 2008

Time Marches On...

...so if I'm going to be juvenile with my humor, I must do it before I get old and responsible.

This is a list of children's books I've been thinking about writing. The titles are courtesy of fortogden.com (searching the world for truth, honesty and free booze). Check out their website, if you have some time to kill.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Beatles....in Cleveland

About six weeks ago, I posted about the demise of Mike Smith of the Dave Clark Five (The British Invasion). Dave Schwensen, a great fan of the Beatles and the author of The Beatles in Cleveland, left a comment, which is what led me to his website. (And Dave, if there are any copyright issues with me including the concert poster, please drop a line.)



The book is not a hard read at all, but it did take me a while to finish it (mainly because I'm busy, and also because I'm one of those people who will be in the middle of 4 or 5 books at a time). Having grown up in the Cleveland media market, the book brought back a lot of great memories of the Cleveland radio stations, the marketing of the Beatles concert, and the entire phenomenon that was Beatle Mania.

As I said in the original post, it is hard to describe the mania to one who didn't experience it. That's a good reason to read this book. The Beatles were essentially in the eye of the storm, and what a storm it was. The second Cleveland concert described in the book took place just 15 days before their final concert at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, and it's no wonder that they chose to quit touring. Thousands of fans stormed the stage in Municipal Stadium, some actually GETTING ON THE STAGE. You have to marvel at how the Beatles handled all of it.

I'm going to cite directly from the book -- and again, Dave, let me know if there are any problems with me doing so. These comments came from John T., who attended many concerts in Cleveland, including both Beatles concerts:
I have seen almost every major musical act there was to experience from 1965 through the 90's. I can honestly tell you, there was nothing compared to the Beatles' wild shows in Cleveland. The Beatles even stated on an old Ed Rudy interview album that Cleveland was the wildest, most out of control city they ever played in. Why do you think the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is there - by accident? Cleveland is no accident; just ask any rock and roll band that has ever played there.

I recommend this book to anyone who attended the concert, or wish they had; to anyone who grew up anywhere near Cleveland; to anyone who grew up anywhere else during the mania; and to anyone who did not grow up at that time, but who wants to understand the enormous influence the Beatles had - and still have - on music.

Note: Since original post, I have received approval from Dave Schwensen to use the poster and the excerpt. I should also note that Dave attended the concert, so not only am I jealous, but he has first-hand experience.

Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics

Credit for this explanation goes to David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.,
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20." Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20 declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

For another take on the issue of taxes, go here for Paul's view of the world.




If you still don't understand my vanity plate, no explanation is possible!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Bears


When I was about 3 years old, I received a Christmas gift that I treasured. It was a stuffed version of Boo Boo the Bear. You might recall him as being Yogi's little sidekick.

A few years later, Boo Boo was a mere shadow of his former self. His plastic ears and nose had been chewed on too much, and his physical appearance left a lot to be desired. Stuffing was coming out of his armpits, and he needed to be repaired in the worst way.

My grandmother, seeing the advanced stage of Boo Boo's deterioration, decided it was time to throw him away.

I protested, and I even told her she didn't have the right to throw him out, but she just casually tossed him into the fire barrel. I complained to my parents that evening, but they were part of the vast adult conspiracy, and I had to come to grips with the reality that Boo Boo was gone...ashes to ashes, dust to dust .

Years later, my sister Linda found the same Boo Boo at a flea market and bought it for me. So Boo Boo has arisen from the ashes, and he no longer has to worry about being thrown into the fire. He sits happily on my dresser.

So we humanize our little bears, but what I'd like to know is this: how did bears become the standard for stuffed toy animals?

Bears are large, carnivorous, and they are usually hungry. A kid hugging his teddy bear might be surprised to learn that the real thing would probably eat him without a moment's hesitation. That kid might as well have a stuffed jackal for a toy.

Whatever the fascination with bears, we have made them into something they are not: cute and cuddly. I place part of the blame on Captain Kangaroo. He exploited Dancing Bear to propagate the stereotype of bears as being something we'd actually like to have around. At least, I think that's what he was trying to do. Judging by this clip, you'd think that Captain Kangaroo must have had some ulterior motive, or was in the advanced stages of some rationality-robbing disease. Whatever you do, don't watch this if you are on any kind of drug -- it will surely push you over the edge.






Saturday, April 05, 2008

My Famous Home Town

The population of my home town of Bellevue, Ohio has hovered around 8,000 for as long as I can remember, and that suits me just fine. It has a small town feel because...well, it's a small town, with some interesting history.

Henry Flagler, who made fortunes in oil and railroads, lived in Bellevue. He was the man responsible for developing Florida into the habitable place it is today, and there are many things named after him on the Atlantic coast of Florida.

Christi Paul, the news anchor on CNN, was born and raised in Bellevue. Her dad was my history teacher in 7th grade.

Axis Sally's father was a dentist in Bellevue.

But now Bellevue has another claim to fame. Here's the link to the story, but be warned: this is not for everyone.

The late night talk shows have all covered this. David Letterman's Top Ten list on Thursday was "Top Ten Excuses Of The Man Caught Having Sex With A Picnic Table."

Yes, we are all proud of our little town.

Vanity - Again



I've seen some vanity plates that are very clever, and I've seen others for which there is no logical explanation. Such as one I saw on a red Audi -- the plate said RED AUDI. Now who couldn't figure that out without the plate telling you? Or the PT Cruiser that had a plate reading MY PT. I already knew that...














Here are more vanity plates. Explanations (where known) will be added as a comment to this post in about a week to give you time to think about it.