In the mid-1960s, a game show called "Hollywood Squares" began airing on TV. It was one of the simplest game shows ever devised: the object of the game was to win a tic-tac-toe game. Celebrities occupied the squares, and were given questions. The contestant had to determine if the answer was correct or made-up by the celebrity. If you guessed right, you earned your X or your O.
The show ran intermittently for close to 40 years, with several different hosts and many different celebrities. The success of the show was based completely on the comedic quality of the answers given by the celebrities. You can judge for yourself - here are some examples.
Q. Do female frogs croak?A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. During a tornado , are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
7 comments:
Sam, these are priceless! I'm going to link to this post from my blog.
A point of information- all celebrity responses were rehearsed/written prior to the airing of the show(s).
Ha! Ha! Some really witty responses. It's amazing how sharp and funny some comedians can be. I usually think of my funny retorts a week too late.
Over here in the UK I think the transferred show became known as "Blankety Blank" and we call "tic tac toe" "Noughts and Crosses"!
Anonymous is partially correct -- if that's possible -- but most of the celebrity responses were written before the shows. But there were also a good number of ad-libs. In any event, it was a witty show.
Very funny indeed. Congratulations on winning Rhymeswithplague's prize for the funniest post of the year contest (or something like that).
YP, you have another name for Chutes and Ladders as well, I believe, but what it is escapes me right now.
I am honored to have won Rhymeswithplague's prize for the funniest post of the year contest (or something like that)...!
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